


It Always Comes As A Surprise

by Charmangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Castiel OOC, M/M, POV Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-03-30 02:11:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3918991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charmangel/pseuds/Charmangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a brutal break up with his long term girlfriend Anna, Castiel moves in with Dean, and starts to realize he has feelings for his openly gay best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Early Morning Hangover

As Castiel peeled open his eyes he was grateful to have been sleeping face down so that the morning sun did not assault his eyes. His mouth was dry and his head was splitting. Jesus, how much had he drunk last night?

He heard the shower running and suddenly became aware that he was not in his own bed. Shit! He turned over and did a visual scan of the room. Recognition was like a splash of cold water in the face. What the hell had he done? 

The door to the bathroom opened and a well muscled man with a towel wrapped around his waist stepped out. Cas knew that man only too well. Crap.

“Hey buddy! You survived the night. Bet you got one hell of a hangover.” Dean, Castiel’s oldest and best friend grinned down at him.

“I’ve been better.”  Cas ran a hand across his face. “What happened? How’d I end up here?”

“Wow. You _were_ hammered. Ellen called me from the Roadhouse around closing last night. Apparently you and Anna had something of a fight followed by a very humiliating and public dumping. And then you proceeded to drink the bar. Ellen called me to mop you off the floor and get you home.” Dean started rummaging through his drawers for clothes “But I didn’t think Anna would welcome you back, so I brought you here instead.” He threw a pair of sweats and a t-shirt on the bed. “I left you some hot water, and a clean towel. Get showered and dressed and I’ll make you some coffee. Black.”

Cas washed quickly and then stood under the shower stream for as long as the hot water held out. Last night had been a nightmare. After five years, he and Anna had called it quits. He couldn’t lie, he should have felt it coming. She had been growing more and more distant over the last few months. Last night, while they were having dinner at the Roadhouse, he finally got up the courage to ask her about her late nights at work, and hushed phone calls at odd hours, and she confessed. She had been seeing someone else. For a moment he couldn’t breathe. When he finally got his breath back, all he could manage was, “Why?” And she lost it. He heard a lot of screaming, and picked up snippets of “cold” “emotionally distant” “unavailable” etc. Apparently he hadn’t been the best partner lately, and she had found what she needed with another man.

Castiel could feel the eyes of the other patrons on them as she got up and left him alone at the table. The last thing he remembered was walking over to the bar, and without needing to hear it, Jo set up a shot glass in front of him and started pouring.

The worst part was, Cas really couldn’t blame Anna. In fact, after he got over his initial shock and hurt, the next thing he felt, was relief. Anna was not wrong. He had felt himself drifting for quite some time. He didn’t feel that connection to Anna the way he once had. They had been high school sweethearts. They had gone to prom together. And he was truly fond of Anna, and thought he had been in love. But as time went on he didn’t feel himself getting closer to her, but actually pulling away. She had done him a favour really, he could see that in the light of day, but last night he really just wanted to drink away the pain .

He got out of the shower and pulled on the clothes Dean had thrown to him. Dean really was his oldest and dearest friend. Also together since high school, they had been with each other through life’s highs and lows. Dean had been there for Cas when his father had walked out on the family. Being the youngest, it had hit Castiel the hardest. His oldest brother Gabriel was already out of the house and living on his own, and Balthazar only stopped in to sleep there sometimes, and get his laundry taken care of. Cas’s fractured family had taken Dean in at 16 when he had been turned away from his father after coming out.

Feeling a little more alive, Castiel headed out to the kitchen. Dean handed him a glass of orange juice, and two aspirin. 

"I thought you were making coffee," he said, eyeing the juice suspiciously. 

"I am, but I thought you would want your aspirin before I start the coffee grinder," Dean replied, smirking. "And it's not good to let yourself get dehydrated after a night of alcohol binging." He turned to prepare the coffee, and drop a couple of slices of bread in the toaster. "So what happened?" he asked, joining Cas at the table with his own juice.

"Anna dumped me." Cas replied, staring at his juice glass.

"Because..." Dean prompted.

"Apparently I'm a bad boyfriend. I sort of tuned out once the screaming started. She's been seeing someone else because I'm "emotionally unavailable" ". Castiel made air quotes with his fingers. "If I'm being honest, she's not wrong. I have been distant." Cas looked up, meeting Dean's emerald green eyes. "I've realized lately that I'm just not in love with her anymore. I'm not sure I ever was." As if on cue, the toast popped up.

Dean got up to prepare the toast while Cas kept talking. 

"When we were kids, we were just so close. Being boyfriend and girlfriend just seemed like the natural progression. Maybe we were too close. Anyway, as time went by we just seemed to drift apart. She kind of did me a favour. I was looking for a way to get out of this, without hurting her. Was hoping that we could do it without hurting me too."

Dean put down a plate of buttered toast in front of Cas, and resumed his seat. "Well, step one, we have to go pick up your stuff."

Cas looked up, blue eyes questioning. "My stuff?"

"Dude, stick a fork in you, you are done. This relationship is over, you're going to have to move out and move on."

"Oh crap, I hadn't even thought of that! Where am I gonna stay?"

"Hello? You're gonna stay with me, stupid. Until you can get settled, you can lodge here at Casa Erotica! I'll whip us up some breakfast and make some calls. It's moving day."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone in my Destiel FB group was looking for a fanfic where Cas was the one questioning the relationship and his attraction to Dean, and no one could find one. The thinking was that it was OOC for Cas. I don't think it has to be, and I wondered if it would, in any way, shift the balance of power. So when someone challenged me to write it, I took them up. I can't write smut, not that I don't like to, I'm just not good at it, but I feel this should be more of an emotional story. I've never been in the position of questioning my sexuality, so if I get it wrong, please forgive me, and correct me. It's been a long time since I've written more that 140 characters, so please be gentle, but don't hesitate to let me know where I've gone wrong. My fear is writing men too feminine.


	2. Season Six. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving day. A little emotional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I've never experienced a really bad breakup, and I'm a female, so I'm a little concerned by my character's emotional reactions, but I tried to restrain my emotions. I'm trying very hard to relax my writing, and capture Dean's humour. Give me time, I will get it. Also, I couldn't resist the Easter egg in the chapter title. Sue me.

Dean was a force of nature once he got going. He got in touch with his younger brother, Sam, who had a truck, and he called in Gabriel and Balthazar to pitch in. Then he called Anna, said some soothing words and got her to agree to be out while they packed up Castiel’s things. He told her to put post it notes on anything she didn’t want them to take, and promised her that if there was anything in dispute, he would force Cas to put his argument in writing, and she and Dean would discuss it at a later date.

Which is how Cas came to be standing in front of a chest of drawers, staring at a framed picture of he and Anna from 5 years ago. Dean walked over to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“She doesn’t want the picture.” Cas said, sounding sad.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“She doesn’t want the picture of us at the prom. There’s no post it on it.” 

“Maybe she didn’t get this far.”

“No. She got the clock radio and that’s right next to it. She doesn’t want any of the pictures of us together. Just look around the apartment. She put post its on all the fridge magnets, except for the novelty one we had done at Disney. The picture of us together.” Cas couldn’t help it, his voice was starting to crack. “What the fuck? Where does she get off treating me like I’m the asshole? What did I do that was so wrong?” Cas realized he was shouting as he threw his arm across the top of the drawers, knocking everything off. Dean wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him tight against his body to restrain him from doing any more damage.

“Lemme go, Dean!” Cas shouted, straining against the solid mass of Dean’s chest. 

“Not until you calm down, buddy.” He replied, his tone calm, but firm. “I made a promise to Anna that I would not allow you to trash this place, and you are not going to make a liar out of me.” Cas struggled a bit, but he knew it was pointless. While he had been coasting through business school on a partial academic scholarship, Dean had pursued his degree in sports medicine, paying his way through school by working as a personal trainer. Even fuelled by his rage, Cas was not breaking this hold.

“Maybe I was distant, maybe I was holding back. But she was here, too.” Cas had stopped struggling, but there was still a lot of venom in his voice as he shouted. “If there was a problem, why didn’t she talk to me? Why did she just go and fuck someone else behind my back? Why did she lie to me?” 

And then he fell limp into Deans arms, and the fight and anger subsided into tears and despair. They sat down together on the bed, and Dean held him close while he cried. Sam, hearing the noise poked his head in the door to see what was wrong, but Dean shook his head at him and Sam left the two men alone. They sat like that for a while, Cas crying, pressing his face into Dean’s shoulder, while Dean ran his hand over Castiel’s slight frame, caressing his back. For a few minutes, Cas felt he could stay there forever. Wrapped in Dean’s arms he felt so warm and at peace. But as the fog of his grief lifted he realised, he was cuddling with a dude. Reluctantly, feeling awkward and embarrassed, he pulled himself away from Dean’s arms. 

“Hey, man, thanks, but I’m okay now.” He looked around at the empty drawers, and the hangers that used to hold his clothes. “I think we’re done in here,” he declared. "There's nothing here I want."

Dean picked up the prom photo from the floor. “Cas, take the photo.”

“What? Why?”

“Because regardless of how this ended, Anna was a part of your life. At your age, 5 years is a pretty significant chunk of time. The years you spent with her made you the person you are now.” Dean sighed. “I know, in this moment, it feels like your world is falling apart. But one day you will look back on this, and you will think of her with fondness. I promise you, you will. You will be glad you have this photo to remember her by.” Then Dean grinned. “And it will be so cool to show your kids what a dork you were in high school.  Seriously dude. A powder blue tux?”

Cas wasn’t ready to laugh yet, but he smiled, and took the photo from Dean’s hand. "I was wearing it ironically." Then he went out to the living room and picked up a couple of the other photos and carefully packed them in his suitcase. He turned back to face Dean, blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

It was a scorcher of a day, so when they  got back to Dean’s, before they started unloading, the rest of the guys went out onto Dean’s deck with ice cold beers while Cas stopped inside to change and order pizza. By the time he got outside, the men were all in various stages of undress. Sam and Balthazar had unbuttoned their button downs, Gabriel had stripped down to his tank top, and Dean was just now taking off his t-shirt. Cas tried not to notice his sculpted pecs as his muscled arms lifted the shirt off of his body, already slick and shiny with perspiration. He ran his hand through his honey blond hair, to smooth out that close cut clip job he laughingly called a haircut. 

Dean looked up at him and smiled, and Cas realized he was staring. He turned away and took a long pull of his beer, trying very hard to get that image out of his head. What was wrong with him? Then he shook his head. He had just been dumped by his girlfriend, after she confessed to cheating on him, and unceremoniously thrown out of what had been his home for the last three years. Of course he was messed up.

He turned back to the group. “So after 5 years, this is it. She gets the apartment, and I have everything I own in the back of Sammy’s truck.”

“Dude, don’t call me Sammy.” Sam replied from the lounger where he was sunning himself.

“Apologies. But cut me some slack. I’m gonna be sofa surfing for a while. Should have signed a pre-nup.”

Dean shook his head. “Oh no. You are not sofa surfing my friend. Sofa surfing ruins two things. Your back, and my sofa. Now I don’t care squat what you do to your back, but I like my sofa, and I don't want your suitcases and crap cluttering up my living room. So we came up with a much better idea. You know that spare bedroom that I turned into a home office? Well training athletes doesn't really require a home office, so we’re turning it back into a bedroom.”

“Dean, no. I don’t need you to rearrange your life for me.” Cas protested.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Chill. I’m not rearranging my life, just a room. Besides, the way you boys treat your girlfriends, something tells me you are all gonna need another place to sleep sooner or later. If I start charging rent, I could have a second income.”

“True that,” Gabriel chirped from the corner, already on his second beer.

“So Uncle Sammy…” 

“Dude!” Sam interrupted.

“Shut your pie hole, " Dean threw over his shoulder. "Uncle _Sammy_ picked up a bed on his way over. And later I’m gonna pick up a dresser and stuff. Make it a proper room. But not until after we give it a fresh coat of paint.”

Cas was flustered. “Dean, I can’t let you go to all this trouble for me.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s home improvement. It’s no trouble.”

Balthazar laughed from the hammock. “Of course it’s no trouble. Who do you think is going to be doing the painting?”

Cas looked over at Dean. Dean grinned back. “Tomorrow morning. Dress casual.”

The doorbell rang inside the house. “Pizza’s here,” Gabriel announced. He looked up at Cas. “Of course you’re paying.”

 

The guys agreed to unload the stuff while Dean and Cas went to pick up paint and furniture. At the paint store Cas wasted 15 minutes looking at every shade between Eggshell and Ecru before Dean ultimately chose Alice Blue, a white with just a slight shading of blue, so pale you almost couldn't see it, and Ultramarine for the accent colour.

Cas looked at him with questioning eyes. "Ultramarine? Dude, you really are gay."

Dean shot him a look. "Quiet you!" Then he grinned. "It'll bring out your eyes."

When they went to pick out furniture, Cas insisted Dean let him pay. Dean, of course refused. His house, his furniture, his expense. Cas argued that he wouldn't even be doing this if it weren't for him. They finally agreed to split the cost of a nice chestnut set with a mahogany finish, and to take delivery next week. 

Dean took a seat in one of the display recliners. "I think I need one of these. Cas, try that leather one."

Cas did as he was told and dropped his butt into the chair. It was nice. He relaxed into it. "Dean, I'm serious. I don't even know why you're doing all this. I'm not going to be there that long."

Dean put his chair back in the upright position. "Really? Cas, you are going to have to come up with first and last month plus security for a new place. You didn't put up a fight with Anna over any of the household items, so you don't even have a pot to cook your mac 'n' cheese in, or a fork to eat it with. Buddy, I know you have a good job at the bank, and you're an up and comer, but it's gonna take you some time to put together the scratch for a new place." Dean leaned back again. "Oh! This one has a massage feature. Mmm, that's nice. Check yours." 

Cas found the remote and leaned back, turning the massage feature on. Dean was right. He had some money, but not what it would take him to get a new place on his own right away. He got decent money at the bank, but he was new there, and he still had some student loans to finish paying on.

"Dean?" Cas set his chair upright.

"Yeah buddy."

"What am I going to do?" Cas couldn't hide the despair in his voice.

"'Bout what?"

"About the hole I suddenly find my life in!"

Dean sat up. "I didn't want to spring this on you right away because I felt like you had enough to deal with, but I was thinking about that."

"And?"

"And I figured you could, I don't know," Dean paused and looked down at his feet. "move in with me?" He looked up, green eyes meeting Cas's incredulous stare.

The silence was deafening. Both men just looked at each other as the question weighed in the air between them. Finally Cas blinked.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final words of Cas are not meant to sound ungrateful. The last 24 hours have been something of an emotional roller coaster for him. He's not trying to be rude, I feel he's just sort of in shock.


	3. Heart To Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean set the ground rules, and share more than they had planned.

When they get back with more beer and burgers for the men, they found they had long since finished unpacking the few boxes and suitcases of Castiel’s belongings, and had assembled the new bed, and they were now sprawled across Dean’s rec room watching football on Dean’s pride and joy, a 64 inch HDTV, with the A/C blasting. They had earned it.

“Make yourselves at home boys,” Dean chuckled as he handed out the burgers.

“Dean, I told you when you called that the only way I would help was if you let me watch the game on your obscenely large television,” Balthazar replied, reaching for his burger.

“Brotherly love.” Castiel sighed, as he slid down next to Gabriel who was leaning against the ottoman. 

Still staring at the TV, Gabriel responded, “Dude, you were moving. Moving is a friendship test. Only your true friends will help you move. Especially when you live on the third floor of a walk up.”

“Well, what about my true family?” Cas asked.

“Oh I’m reasonably certain you were adopted.” Gabriel looked at him. “No, seriously dude, where are the Junior Mints you promised?” Cas reached into his pocket and dropped the candy into his brother’s hand.

The crew stayed far too late into the night watching sporting events and bad TV, until Dean announced closing time. He pronounced Sam too intoxicated to drive, and called for a taxi to take everyone home.

Shutting the door on the red taillights as the taxi pulled away, Dean turned and smiled at Cas.

“Been a long day, huh?”

Castiel gave a weak smile. “Pretty crazy 24 hours. This is sort of where it all started.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, that’s about right.”

Cas swallowed nervously, and looked at the floor. There was something that had been in the back of his mind all day. If he was going to ask, it would have to be now or never. “Dean, I sort of don’t remember anything that happened last night,” Cas looked up and tentatively continued. “But I woke up in your bed without my clothes, and…”

Dean stepped forward and put his hand over Cas’s mouth. “Stop. Talking. Now!” He shook his head and sighed. “You were drunk and in unfamiliar surroudings. So I thought it would be best to put you in my room, and leave the door to the master bathroom open with the light on, should you need to pray to the porcelain goddess during the night. Didn’t want to spend my morning cleaning puke out of my carpet.” Dean gave a small smile and continued. “You had also spilled most of your last drink all over your shirt, and I wanted to get you out of it. You took it upon yourself to continue the strip tease. So I left you to your own devices and went to sleep on the sofa.’

Now it was Cas’s turn to sigh. “Well, I’m completely mortifed.”

“Oh you shouldn’t be. You have a very cute ass.” Dean winked at him and disappeared into his room. Cas stood there for a few minutes, just staring at the bedroom door. _Okay_ , he thought. _So that happened._

As he entered his new room he realised, turning on the lights, that a new bed meant getting it ready and putting on the bedding, which he didn’t even know where it was kept which meant bothering Dean again and…

As the lights came on, he saw his bed all made up with clean crisp sheets, a light summer blanket and two plump pillows. When had Dean had time to do this? As he got closer, Castiel had to laugh when he saw the little teddy bear perched in between the pillows. Dean thought of everything.

 

As he woke Sunday, under the bright glare of the sun, Cas mentally created a shopping list in his head, and curtains was at the top. Dean wasn’t up yet, so Cas took a shower, and then searched his suitcases for a pair of old jeans and a worn t-shirt. By the time he had combed his hair, Dean was making noises in the kitchen. He came out to find Dean, bedheaded and barefoot in pajama bottoms and starting to make breakfast. Seeing Dean roaming around the kitchen half naked left Cas a little undone. All that working out over the last four years resulted in him looking like he was carved out of marble. He supposed Dean had always looked good in his clothes, almost everyone did. But out of them, not everyone could pull that off. He’d had a nearly uncontrollable urge to just run his hand over Dean's chest, just to see how firm it was. He wondered if he could insist on robes at the breakfast table.

“Morning Cas. How do you like your eggs?”

“In an omelette.”

“Dude, this is not a Denny’s. You want an omelette, make it yourself.”

Cas took the frying pan out of Dean’s hand and shoved him towards his bedroom. “Fine, I will. Now we have painting to do, and I’d like to finish sooner than later, so please shower and get dressed. I’ll make breakfast.”

Embarrassing awkward moment averted, Cas rummaged through the kitchen looking for what he needed, and by the time Dean emerged from the bedroom Cas had prepared toast, bacon, and a very green omelette. 

“Cas, what is on my plate?” Dean asked poking at it with his fork.

“It’s an omelette.” Cas replied while putting jam on his toast.

“Cas, it’s green.”

Cas laughed, almost choking on his toast. “It’s a kale omelette.”

“Kale is for my smoothies, and for my salad, but it’s not for my eggs.”

“Dean, just try it.”

Dean sniffed at it suspiciously, but finally put a forkful in his mouth and chewed tentatively. “Not bad. You got lucky this time.” Dean finished chewing. ”But this brings up something we really should talk about.”

Cas looked up from his plate. 

“Well, you moving in. Are we just gonna be like two guys who happen to live in the same place, or are we gonna be like two guys living together?”

“What’s the difference?” 

“Like cooking for example. Will we be setting our own hours, buying our own food, making our own meals, or will we share the cost of the food, and make meals for each other. You know like taking turns cooking and whatever.” Dean answered, chewing his bacon thoughtfully.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind sharing a meal with someone at the end of the day. And you don’t chew with your mouth open, much, so that’s a plus.”

“Oh, ha ha, very funny.”

Cas continued. “I’m pretty much a nine to five guy. Does that work with your schedule?”

“Yeah, that’ll do fine. I already keep a grocery list on the fridge. I propose we keep an envelope with grocery money in it, and then when somebody goes to get the groceries, they take the money and list with them.” Dean picked up his toast and leaned back in his seat. “Yes, this will work nicely.”

Cas studied his plate. Finally he spoke up. “Dean. How are we going to handle privacy?”

Dean looked confused. “I don’t know. I guess if my door is closed, don’t come in, and I will do likewise.”

“No, I mean, what if you bring a guest home?”

“Oh!” Dean smiled, then got up to get the juice out of the refrigerator. He poured two glasses and put one in front of Cas, and took one over to his seat. “You mean if I bring home an overnight guest.”

“Well yes. It would seem a bit presumptuous to take them directly to your room, but I would feel awkward walking in on you in the living room. Should we have a secret knock? Or you could text me.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, a small smile on his lips. When he opened them again, the playful twinkle Cas was used to seeing was gone. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Cas, because you, and your brothers and my brother have always been so supportive of me, and you never judge me, and it makes me really happy, that I have such great friends. But while Balthazar can regale us with colourful and graphic tales of his most recent Bacchanals, and Gabriel can give us the details on the conquest of his latest goddess, and even Sam has started getting in on the college co-ed action, I cannot discuss my dates, romances, relationships, whatever, with all of you.” 

Cas didn’t know what to say. Dean was right. There was kind of an unspoken agreement among them of a Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell policy when it came to Dean’s relationship status. He supposed because it was one thing to have your friend tell you he was gay, and another thing entirely to have him tell you how hot his boyfriend’s ass is. "Dean, I am truly sorry. It seems selfish of us and unfair to make you feel like you had to hide part of your life from us."

“It’s okay, I’m not the kind of person who likes to share those details anyway. But it would now appear that you no longer have the luxury of not knowing about my dating habits and mating rituals.” Dean looked very intense, and took a deep breath. Then he laughed, “I’m just screwing with you. I’m not dating anyone right now. And if I did meet someone, you’d be introduced to them long before I bring them home for the night.”

Cas wasn’t finished, though. “Yeah, but what if you go out to a club or somewhere and meet someone. I don’t want to cramp your style.”

“Wow. You watch too much Queer as Folk. Not all gay men do one night stands, just like not all straight people have deep meaningful relationships. I’m not that kind of guy.” 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Really?” 

“Okay maybe, when I first came out, I fooled around a little with other guys, and in college, man I had my pick.  A lot of guys were shamelessly throwing themselves at me. I was a stud. Some of my personal training clients, male and female, would request a special “private session”. I even had a language professor who taught me all about foreign tongues.” Dean chuckled.

Cas stood up “Well, those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves.”

Dean laughed and grabbed for his hand and pulled him down to the seat next to him. “I’m sorry. You’re just so fun to mess with.”  Dean composed himself and continued. “Seriously, I outgrew all that. Maybe it sounds corny, like a chick flick moment, but I can’t just share my bed with someone I don’t know. That’s personal, I’m sharing a part of me, and I can’t do that with just anyone anymore. I want to meet someone. Someone I can settle down with, even think about maybe someday adopting a kid. I’d like a normal life. And I don’t think I’ll find Mr. Wonderful doing body shots at a nightclub.” Dean heaved a sigh. “I don’t do one night stands, so there will be no need for you to barricade yourself in your room.” Dean locked eyes with him. “Are we clear?” 

Cas nodded, mute. He had no idea what he had just agreed too. All he could think about was that Dean was still holding his hand. And it felt nice. What was wrong with him?

 

After the breakfast clean up, Dean insisted they get to the farmer’s market before all the good stuff was gone, especially since someone had used the last of his kale for omelettes. Castiel whispered in Dean’s ear that if he bought fresh fruit, he would bake a pie, and Dean spent an good amount of time debating the merits of apple over cherry. While Dean weighed the pros and the cons, Cas bought both and moved on to vegetables. They stopped at the regular market to buy some other items for the week and then headed home to paint. They were getting started a little late, but everything closes early on Sunday, so it had to be done.

They moved the stuff out of the room, and laid down tarps and taped off door and window frames. Cas went to get the rollers and brushes out of the garage while Dean opened the paint. As soon Cas came back to the doorway, it hit him, hard. Paint fumes.

“Dean,” Cas called, using his best ”mom” voice. “Did you buy oil based paint?” Cas fell to his knees reading the can.

“Sure did.” Dean replied, carrying some rags back from the laundry room.

“Why?”

“Sales guy said it would probably be fine with one coat, which means less painting time. Also, he couldn’t do the colour I wanted with the latex.”

“I see. You do realize that the fumes will kill us?”

“Not if we open the windows, Princess. Relax.” Dean opened the windows in the room, and some others in the house for cross ventilation. “Now can we get to work?” 

Dean was doing the big work with the roller while Cas was working the top along the ceiling, and all the detail work. Damn popcorn ceilings were very difficult to work with. To make matters worse, it was another blistering hot day, and they couldn’t turn on the A/C with the windows open, so they were both suffering from heat exhaustion.

After about an hour they needed to break. Dean walked out to the deck, stripped off his soaking wet shirt and sat on the steps. Cas had stopped at the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water and handed one to Dean. Dean took the bottle and ran the cold surface across his neck. Some of the condensation clung to his skin, and Cas, sitting next to Dean, found himself following the path of a single drop of water down his chest. The way Dean was sitting, his arm was blocking the trail, and without thinking Cas started to lean into his friend, determined to follow the water.

“Woah, Cas! What the hell?” Dean caught Cas, just as he almost fell off the step.

_Good question_ , Cas thought. “Sorry. Think I’m a little dizzy from the fumes.” _And I’m losing my mind._

“Well then it’s a damn good thing you’re finished on the ladder. Still, we’ve made good progress. We only need about another hour, and we’re done.”  

Castiel felt something was wrong, some small but important detail they’d forgotten. Maybe the fumes were affecting his thinking. It nagged at him while they worked, like an itch he couldn’t scratch.

But Dean was not far off from his prediction. It took about another hour, and they were finished, and it looked great. Maybe there was something to be said for one coat.

They both needed showers after that. Dean finished first, and ran down to the corner sandwich shop since neither of them felt like cooking. When he came back, at first he couldn’t find Cas.  He called out for him. 

“In here,” a weak voice called from inside his bedroom. He found Cas lying face down on his bed.

“I’m sorry Dean, but my bed is currently leaning against the living room wall, and my back is just in agony.”

Dean tsked. “That’s what you get for driving a desk.” He leaned down and started pulling off Cas’s shirt. Cas was too exhausted to object much.

“Dean, what are you doing?” He asked, not really caring, and then he could smell something medicine-y, and felt Dean’s finger’s kneading the flesh on his back, and it was amazing.

“Lucky for you, your best friend and new roommate has been trained in sports massage therapy. Do you know how much I would get paid for an hour of my time?”

“I’ll pay it. Just don’t stop,” was the last thing Cas remembered saying, before drifting off to sleep.

 

It was about an hour later when Cas woke up. Half naked in Dean’s bed. _Oh wow. Deja vu,_ he thought wryly. He found his shirt at the end of the bed and pulled it back on as he made his way out to the kitchen where Dean sat at the table reading the Sunday paper.

“Dean, I’m so sorry I fell asleep.”

Dean waved it off. “Don’t be. People often fall asleep with a good massage. You’re all relaxed. I almost expect it. Are you hungry?”

“You know, I am.”

“Well have a seat, and I’ll grab our food.”

Cas winced as he sat down. Dean watched, concerned. “Is your back still sore.”

“Little bit, yeah. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a day or two. Probably just need a good night’s sleep.” And then Castiel froze, because he remembered what he forgot.

“Maybe. But it could be a pinched nerve or a muscle spasm. You need to take care of your back for the next couple of days. Be kind to it.” Dean put out a couple of plates and forks, and brought the takeout from the sandwich place, assorted mini sandwiches, potato salad, and broccoli slaw. “Iced tea?”

“Hmm? Sure.” Cas was clearly distracted. Dean chatted happily while they ate. Cas nodded and smiled in all the right places. Or so he thought.

“Cas? What is it?

“Paint’s not dry.”

“What?”

“Paint. Not. Dry. It was bothering me all day, I knew there was something I needed to remember, but I just couldn’t think of what it was. Oil based paints take forever to dry. I can’t sleep in that room tonight.”

“Well then you’re sleeping in my room. Cas you can’t sleep on the sofa with your back messed up. If you don’t take proper care, you can do lasting damage.”

“Dean no. I can’t put you out of your bed again.”

Dean considered for a moment. “Well, maybe you don’t have to. Go brush your teeth.

Uncertain of what to expect, Cas changed into his pyjamas, and brushed his teeth as he was told. Then he walked over to Dean’s room. He stood in the doorway and gently leaned himself against the doorjamb with his arms crossed. Dean sat on the bed reading something off of his laptop. Cas recognized the pyjama pants from this morning, and as usual, Dean was topless.

“Jesus, Dean, would it kill you to put on a shirt once in a while?”

“What?”

“If I have to look at your perfectly sculpted abs all the time, I am going to develop some unhealthy body image issues.”

“Jesus, Cas, would it kill you to do a sit up once in a while? Can’t be mad at me because I look good.” Dean smiled his wicked smile, but he went to the dresser, picked out a t-shirt and pulled it over his head. “All better, Princess?”

“Not sure I’m loving the new nickname either.”

“Too bad, it suits you.”

“Fine, just don’t say it in front of my brothers. I will never live it down.”

“Gotta say Cas, for a guy who seems so uptight, sometimes you’re a real pushover. You’re really not gonna fight me on that one?” That devilish twinkle was back in Dean’s eyes. He wanted to play.

“I prefer to pick my battles. I wasn’t going to win that one. Need to save my strength for the bigger fights.”

“Like what.”

“Like the one that you’re about to set off.”

“Cas…”

“No Dean.”

“Cas, it’s a king size bed. 76 inches wide, now that’s as wide as Sam is tall!”

“No Dean.”

“Cas, man we went camping together, and the tent wasn’t as wide as this bed.”

“No Dean.”

"Dude, are you saying that you don't trust my judgement as a professional? Because I am saying that you could cause permanent damage to your back if you don't sleep in a proper bed tonight.”

“No Dean.”

“Hmm. Guess you don’t trust yourself.” Dean said, closing his laptop.

“What?”

“You heard me. Seemed awfully concerned about what you may or may not have done when you were out of it on Friday night, and you’re a little sensitive about seeing me walk around shirtless. Maybe you’re afraid to trust yourself with adorable me in such close proximity. Maybe you _can't_ trust yourself.”

“Shut up, Dean.” Cas reluctantly pulled down the covers and slid between the sheets. Dean turned off the side table light.

They laid there in the dark for a while, and then Dean asked, “Cas, what about when you need privacy?”

“What?” 

“Well, you are eventually going to want to date someone. Should we plan a secret knock?”

“Dean, I don’t see myself dating for a long time.”

“Oh that’s a bad idea. You know what they say. The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.”

“Charming but no.” Castiel sighed. He didn’t like where this was going.

“Are you scared?”

“Of what?”

Dean hesitated. “Anna, she was your first, right?”

Cas didn't answer.

Dean continued anyway. " So Anna was your first. You never cheated on her, right?" Castiel remained silent. "So Anna is the only girl you've _ever_ been with. And she cheated on you."

"It wasn't about the sex!" Castiel snapped.

"So she says." Dean replied. "But she wasn't just having conversations with this other guy."

"What's your point, Dean?"

"We need to find you a new girl, Cas. And a secret knock."

Cas sighed. "Hey Dean. I thought you said you didn't share your bed with just anyone."

"Shut up, Cas."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas is coming across more snarky than I wanted him to, but I think it's because he's scared of what is happening. The conversation at the end was supposed to be more comical and supportive, but it came out mean because of Cas's issues. But I think Dean is picking up on what is going on, and he's concerned that Cas's emotional state is messing with him. Kind of like transference. Dean is being compassionate when Cas is really vulnerable, Cas could mistake his gratitude for affection for Dean, and it could end really messed up. Dean wants to make sure Cas's head is in the right place or it could seriously damage their relationship. Funny how your characters can take you away from what you had planned. Hoping to turn it around later when Dean teaches Cas how to date.


	4. Lessons in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is helping Cas get a date.

Castiel stood in front of the mirror and tried to look casual. No. He hated this sweater. He pulled it off, threw it on the bed, and went back to his closet. No, nope, definitely not, no way! He sat on the edge of the bed and fell back. "I'm not going!" he yelled. 

Dean stuck his head in the door. "What?"

"I'm not going."

"Why not?" 

"Because I have nothing to wear. It's too hot for a sweater, a t-shirt is too casual, and a shirt and tie is a little too formal. I have nothing to wear for something like this. Why would I? I've never had to do something like this."

"Something like what? We're gonna go to the Roadhouse, have dinner, some drinks, play pool..." Dean smiled innocently. Cas glared up at him from the bed. "And maybe we'll run into that cute little waitress who was asking about you the last time I was in there." Dean disappeared, and Cas heard him rummaging around his room. "Aha, found it!" He reappeared back at the door and threw a shirt onto the bed next to Cas. "Try it on."

"Dean, one of your shirts will never fit me." 

"It's not mine, well, not mine in that I don't wear it. It was a gift from a client, but it didn't fit. It's a nice shirt, fitted, but casual, button down, linen, so it breathes, and it's a nice shade of blue, makes your eyes pretty." He teased as Cas put it on. 

"It still feels formal."

"Well that's because you're wearing it wrong. Come here." He adjusted the shirt on Cas. "You roll up the sleeves, like so, and for god's sake, you don't button up to your chin." Cas undid one button. "Uh-uh." Dean undid another one. "There, that's better. Now, let's do something with your hair." He grabbed Cas by the wrist and dragged him over to his bathroom. "How a grown man cannot own hair product is beyond me." Dean rummaged through the items on his counter until he found what he wanted. Cas stood patiently while Dean styled his hair. When he finished, Cas thought it resembled how he looked when he slept wrong, but Dean assured him it was very hot. "Girl won't know what hit her. Now pick a cologne, and we're out of here." 

"If this girl has seen me before, she'll know that I don't usually look like this, won't she?"

"Yes. But she'll appreciate that you made the effort. It's kind of like when girls wear make-up, but not nearly as much work."

Cas looked for the most subtle scent he could find, accepted the jacket Dean threw at him, and they headed out. At the Roadhouse, Dean sat down at a table and suddenly realized Cas was not with him. He looked back, and saw Cas frozen in the middle of the room, staring at the table. He finally broke his gaze at the table and looked at Dean, his face the picture of misery. And then Dean got it.

"It was that table, wasn't it?" Dean asked. Cas just nodded. "I suppose I'm lucky to get you back here at all. Okay, you choose a different spot." Cas found a table in the corner, and sat down with his back to the restaurant. "You know you're being very dramatic about this." Dean said, sitting down.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable here. The last time people saw me here, my girlfriend called me a "cold, self-centred prick", and threw her salad at me before storming out, after which I apparently got blackout drunk. Who knows what I did before you took me home?"

"I haven't heard all the details, but I'm told you do a mean karaoke." Dean chuckled. "Listen, relax. April was working that night, she knows all about your humiliation, and she still asked if the breakup stuck. You're already in, stud."

Cas moaned. “She saw that? Oh, Dean, no. I can’t do this.”

 “Cas, we have a problem. You and Anna hooked up at a party in high school. Your dating history is virtually non existent. It’s not about getting back on the horse, you’ve never even ridden. You’ve never had to ask a woman out. You’re a dating virgin.” Dean lowered his voice. “You’ve never gone to a club or a party or a bar and had to check out a woman, see if she was single, was she into you, and actually take the plunge and ask her out and wait for potential rejection. Trust me when I tell you, it feels like work.”

“Sounds exhausting.”

Dean nodded. “It’s the reason a lot of people stay in less than ideal relationships. Beats being single."

"Is that why you're not seeing anyone?"

"Me? No. I have a different problem. I attract the wrong type of man. Just too pretty I guess.  But what we have here is a very fortunate situation. We found a girl who already is into you. You don’t have to wonder is she single, does she like me, should I ask her out? You already know the answers are yes, yes, and yes.”

“What if I don’t like her.” 

Dean looked up. “Shut up. She’s coming.”

A waitress approached the table. “Hi Dean. I see you brought your friend.” 

Cas looked up. She was cute, long brown wavy hair, big innocent brown eyes, pleasant figure, friendly smile. When she leaned in to give him his menu, he noted that she smelled nice too. 

Dean grinned. “Hi April. You remember Cas.” Cas gave a hesitant smile. Dean kicked him under the table. Oh yes, he was supposed to speak. 

“Hello April. I understand that on my last visit I put on an impromptu floor show. My most sincere apologies.”

April giggled. “No need to apologize. You have a lovely singing voice. Do you boys know what you want, or should I give you some more time?”  

“I always know what I want,” Dean said very suggestively. He looked at Cas pointedly. “Do you know what you want?” 

Cas threw Dean some dagger eyes, and then turned and smiled at April. “Grilled chicken Caesar, please, and iced tea.”

“Sure,” she replied jotting down his order. “Dean, bacon cheeseburger and a beer, right?”  

Dean winked at her. “That’s why you’re my favourite.” He watched as she walked away and turned back to Cas. “Nice caboose.”

“Dean!”  

“Just sayin’ ” 

“How would you know?”

“Really? A tourist can still appreciate the scenery.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just nervous.” Cas rubbed his palms across his legs. “My palms are sweaty and my throat is dry. This girl saw my girlfriend break up with me. Why would she be interested in me?”

“You have to ask?” Dean shifted in his seat. “ I will deny I ever said any of this, however, you are a catch. You’re a single straight man. You’re employed, and you don’t live with your mother. For most women, that’s already a jackpot. But you’re a good looking man, with or without hair product, you clean up pretty, you’ve got a decent body, you’re a nice person, and when your ex threw her food in your face, you didn’t make a scene. You paid your bill and got quietly drunk, except for a little karaoke.” Dean smirked. “Also, someone might have told April that your ex was a raging bitch, and that you were a really great guy.Shut up.” Dean looked up. “Hey darlin’ ”

April was back with their food. Cas was studying his hands, when Dean kicked him under the table again. He looked up and found himself with a face full of cleavage. Fortunately the girl didn’t seem to notice. He tilted his head and threw more eye daggers at Dean. Dean just grinned and mouthed, “You’re welcome.”

“Enjoy your meals, fellas. Just give me a wave if you need anything.” She smiled again and walked away. 

Dean stared at Cas, who pretended not to notice and squeezed his lemon wedge over his salad. Finally he looked up. “She seems very pleasant.”

“Are you kidding me? She’s perfect for you. I’m a born matchmaker.” Dean bit deep into his burger.

“How do you even know she’d be interested in going out with me?”

“Are you going to make me tell you again? Fine, first time she saw me after I scraped you off the floor, she was asking about you, wanted to know if you were okay?”

Cas poked at his salad. “Well that might have been simple human compassion, Dean. I waspretty messed up that night.”

“Yeah, I considered that too. But then, she started asking other questions, like how you were handling the breakup, and when I thought you might be ready to date again, and if you would be coming back to the Roadhouse any time soon.” Dean said, waving a french fry for emphasis.

Cas nodded and swallowed. “Okay, yes, those are very keen observations, but still not conclusive.”

Dean looked side to side, and then waved Cas closer. In a stage whisper he said, “Then I asked Jo, and she said April liked you, and wondered if you would ever ask her out.”

“You might have led with that!” Cas said, indignant. Dean just grinned. “So, did Jo say anything else about her?”

Dean looked at him and smiled. “Somebody who said they weren’t interested, is interested.”

Cas put down his fork and crossed his arms. “Dean, as you are so keen to point out, I am wounded. The person I thought I was going to share my life with had other ideas. So here I am, six weeks after my life imploded, trying to piece it back together. It feels too soon, I feel like I’m being disloyal. But I hear Anna’s already moved her new man into our apartment, so she’s clearly not grieving.” Cas uncrossed his arms and took one of Dean’s fries. 

“Hey,” Dean started to protest, but Cas gave him a look, so he backed down.

“And you’re right, I am clueless about how to manage this on my own. I might eventually figure it out, but you are offering to help me, and I’m trying to cooperate, I really am. She seems like a nice person, she is attractive, so if you know anything else about her, I’d appreciate you sharing with me.” 

Dean took pity. “Her name is April Kelly, she’s 21, she’s a theatre major, but she also loves to paint, and she collects pigs.”

“So you’re saying we have nothing in common.”

“Well, she is single and available. And she doesn’t think you’re a complete troll, so there’s that. C’mon Cas, you’re not gonna marry her. She’s for practice.” 

“She’s for what?”

“She’s your rebound girl. After a breakup, you have a rebound girl. Someone who helps you get through the pain of the breakup. You’re not soul mates, she’s just a buffer.”

“Dean that’s horrible! What if this nice girl has feelings for me? I’m supposed to just lead her on. Take her out, and waste her time. Run out her biological clock.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s flailing arms. “Slow down Casanova. She’s 21, and still in school. She’s not even thinking about settling down and having kids. She’s looking for a nice guy to have some fun with. I can’t understand why, but she thinks you might be that guy.” He let go of Cas’s arms and picked up his burger again. “You just finished 5 years with one person. So it will be hard to kiss someone else, and not feel like your cheating. April saw your epic fail. She knows she’s a rebound, and she’s willing to just have fun with you for a while. Can’t you let yourself justhave fun?”

Cas poked at the croutons on his plate. If croutons were too big they didn’t soak up enough dressing to make them comfortable to eat. They were just hard bread. He would have to speak to Ellen about the kitchen’s croutons. 

“So how does this work. When she comes back and asks if we want dessert, do I ask if she’s on the menu?

Dean laughed. “Not quite, but I like the way your mind works. No, we’re going to stay, have a few beers, and play some pool, flirt a little, and at the end of the evening you say April, it was nice to meet you. If you’re comfortable giving me your number, I would love to call you so we can get together.” Dean waved for their check. “Oh, and you’re paying for dinner. Leave a big tip.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this dynamic. It feels like the way their relationship was in the beginning, with Dean teaching Cas how to be human.


	5. Pump It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets a date, and gets in a little deeper with Dean.

Cas looked at the slip of paper in his left hand. Then he looked at the phone in his right. “I can’t do this,” he said morosely. 

“Yes, you can,” Dean replied from his place at his computer desk. They were sitting in the rec room, and Dean was researching some new physio techniques while Cas had a staring contest with a phone number and his phone. Predictably, he was loosing. “You know how to read, and you know how to dial. You certainly never seem to be at a loss for words when you’re telling me it’s my turn to empty the garbage, so you know how to talk. Call her.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Hello.”

“Hello?” 

“Uh, that is still the term.”

“Dean!”

“Cas!” Dean leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and sighed. “Jesus, this is probably the easiest ask out in the history of dating. You know she likes you, you know she wants to go out with you, and she gave you her phone number.” He got out of the chair and went to sit next to Cas. “You don’t know how good you have it right now. Ordinarily, a first date is something like coffee or drinks.

“Why?”

“Because a first date is like, well, like when dogs sniff each other’s butts.”

“Dean! Butt sniffing? Could you make this dating process less attractive?” Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Hey, dogs have the right idea. With dogs there's no game playing. No pretending to like their music, their friends, their taste in home decor. They don't judge your clothes, your car, the fact that you unapologetically eat meat. No stupid dating dance. Just one sniff, and you're in. Dogs are honest."

"Is that what you want Dean? To reduce your dating process to butt sniffing. Because that club you took me to on Saturday, sort of had that down to a fine art."

"Cas, that was one room that catered to a fraction of the bar's clientele."

"Dean, I'm a grown man. I was frightened."

Dean laughed. "Well, you wanted to see a gay club. Now you understand why it's not my scene. But we were talking about you. You’re finding out if you enjoy each other’s company. If you do, drinks could turn into dinner, or hitting a club together, or something else. But if you don’t click, you don’t have to suffer through appetizers, entrees and dessert. Or pay for them.” Dean leaned back and reached for the remote. “Are you watching this?”

Cas looked at the screen. “No. I sometimes have the TV on to keep me company. Besides, I still have to make this call, now that you've made dating sound so delightful.”

“Oh, yeah, that. See, you have the perfect first date set up. Bowling with friends. You tell her Jo and I were going bowling, and Jo mentioned that she had the night off, and you wondered if we could make it a foursome. See, with a group, she feels safe, and it takes the pressure off both of you. Also, Jo and I are not a romantic couple. The last thing you want is another couple being all handsy with their tongues in each others mouths all night.”

“I’m not a good bowler, Dean.” Cas said, as he watched the images change on the enormous screen as Dean changed the channels.

Dean leaned forward, placed his hand on Cas’s chin and turn his face to his. Green eyes met blue as he replied, “Nobody is a good bowler, Cas. We’re all going to suck together, laugh and make jokes about how bad we are, drink crappy bowling alley beer, and have a wonderful time.

Looking into Dean’s eyes, Cas felt like he couldn’t breathe. For a long moment they just stared into each other’s eyes. Finally Cas swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat and looked down at the phone in his hand. “I should call before it’s too late,” he said, and he thought he meant the time, but he wasn’t quite sure.

Dean went back to looking through the channels on mute, while Cas dialled April’s number, half hoping he wouldn’t get voice mail, half hoping he would. “Hey April, it’s Cas.” Dean gave a subtle nod. “We were at the Roadhouse earlier tonight, and Dean and Jo were saying they hadn’t been bowling in a long time, and sort of planned an evening doing that, and Jo said you had Sunday off too, and maybe I should see if you’d like to come.” Dean just looked at him and mouthed the words _stop talking_. “You would? That’s great. Jo thought we could pick you both up at her place. Would that be okay?” Dean gave him a thumbs up. “Okay, well, we’ll pick you girls up around 7, and you know it’s black tie, right?” Cas smiled, and a moment later, looked panicked. “No, I’m sorry, that was a joke. I should never do that without a safety net. Right. Jeans go best with rented shoes. See you Sunday.” Castiel hung up and leaned back into the sofa, next to Dean. "I'm going to have to marry this girl because I am never doing that again."

Dean tousled his hair and dropped his arm around his shoulder. “Good job Cas, I’m proud of you. You even went off script a little.”

“Yeah, well, that sort of freaked her out.” Cas laughed.

“It was a good joke, she just doesn’t know your sense of humour yet.”

Dean turned the volume on the TV on. “What are we watching?” Cas asked.

“Cas, we have come to a point in our relationship where I am about to share something very personal with you.” Dean said, sounding serious.

Cas nodded, perplexed. “Yes Dean.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you with this, but seeing as we are living together, I don’t see how I can keep this a secret. I admit, I’m a little ashamed. More than a little, actually.”

“Dean, you are scaring me. What are we watching?”

“Notting Hill. I love rom-coms. Love Actually, He’s Just Not That Into You, Must Love Dogs, love ‘em. It’s the gayest thing about me, really. Well, except for the sex with men.”

“Dean, we are about to watch Notting Hill. You’re not a gay man, you’re a 16-year-old girl.”

“Shut up. Hugh Grant is my kryptonite, which is odd, because I hear he’s a real ass, but he looks so hot in this movie. Have you seen him in Two Weeks Notice? I love him with Sandra Bullock. Pompous always plays better with an English accent." Dean looked at Cas. "I swear to god, if you ever tell anyone I like these sappy movies, I will have to kill you. Which would be a shame, because you make the best French toast, and you always cook my burgers just perfectly. But you would have to die." Dean made a slicing motion across his neck. "And it won't be quick, I'll make you suffer." 

Cas just shook his head and laughed. "Now I feel like I’m your date. Really? Hugh Grant.? I didn't think he was your type.” He tried not to sound jealous.

Dean looked at him. "Well what would you suppose would be my type?"

"I don't know. Body builder type. Muscle guy." Cas tried very hard not to feel too uncomfortable in the moment.

Dean just smirked. "You really don't know me at all, do you?"

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing.  Movie starts in five minutes, you get beer, I’ll get snacks.” Dean said, dashing off to the kitchen.

 

Two hours later, Cas looked at Dean. “I cannot believe I know you. You like this movie?” 

Dean clutched his arm. “No wait, it’s not over. Watch as the camera pans around the bench, she’s got her head in his lap, and he’s reading to her, and… What’s that? She’s having a baby.” Dean sighed and dropped his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Aww.”

Cas stayed perfectly still while the credits rolled, just focused on the weight of Dean’s head on his shoulder. He could just catch the scent of Dean’s shampoo, something with lavender and mint. His eyes drifted closed, and then opened very wide. What the hell was wrong with him? In the early first days of the breakup, it made more sense. He was wounded, and Dean had taken care of him. It’s like when a patient falls for their doctor. But it had been almost two months, he had a date with a new girl, he was moving on with his life. So why was he sitting here, dreaming of carding his hands through his best friend’s hair and staring deeply into his eyes, while he…STOP! Full stop! No more of that!

Cas cleared his throat. “Dean, it’s a little late. Gotta get up for work in the morning.”

Dean startled. “Oh, yeah, sure.” He clicked the TV off, stood up and stretched. Cas realised he was staring when Dean’s t-shirt rode up slightly to reveal a strip of tanned and muscled abdomen. 

Cas quickly got to his feet and headed for his room. “Good night Dean.” 

“G’night Cas.”

 Castiel raced to his bathroom, shut the door, and turned on the cold water full and splashed his face. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. Oh god. What was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I didn't feel like I wanted to go any further than this, it felt like a natural place to stop. Haven't decided if I'm going to do the date or not. It's hard to write so many people, and make it seem natural, and not like everyone is waiting for their turn. And I'm brain dead from work. I might have fresh ideas in the morning. But I'm going to be pumped about seeing Kids In the Hall tomorrow, so I might not be able to write. My chapter titles all have meaning. This one is more obscure. Notting Hill closes with Elvis Costello, whom I love, but She was not the appropriate song title for this chapter. Pump It Up however is a song about sexual frustration, so I thought it worked well here.


	6. It's Just A Little Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas goes on a date with April. Dean and Jo help out.

Cas stared as his reflection in Dean’s mirror while Dean styled his hair for him. Again. 

 “I feel like a child.”

“You are a friggin’ child. How can you not know how to do your own hair?” Dean admonished.

“I can do my own hair. I’ve been doing it for most of my 24 years.”

“I know exactly how you do your hair. You get out of the shower, and you towel dry it, and you start your day. I had a boyfriend who did the same thing.” Dean stopped and gazed into space. “Damn that was hot.” He shook himself out of his reverie. “Too bad he had no personality to go with his looks.” He finished Cas’s hair and held him at arms length. “But we’re not going for hot tonight. Tonight you have to look like you wanted to look nice for her.” Dean grinned. “And you do, stud. Now let’s get going.” 

Since they would be drinking that night, the boys were taking a cab over to the Roadhouse. Jo and Ellen lived in a small house next to the bar, and the girls would be getting ready there. The bowling alley was only a couple of blocks away, and they were going to walk over to enjoy the evening air. As they got out of the cab, Jo and April scampered down the walkway from the house, and Jo grabbed Cas's wrist and shouted, "Run!"

The reason for the panic came clear as Ellen came out the front door shouting "Joanna Beth, get back here!"

The group ran until they were out of view, and the girls doubled over laughing.

"Jo," Dean said, taking hold of her arm. "Did your mother expect you to stay home tonight?"

"Hey," she countered. "This is my first night off in weeks. I am not doing inventory." 

"You're mother is going to kill me. She already thinks I'm a bad influence." He chuckled. 

As the group entered the bowling alley, April squealed. "Cosmic bowling! I love this!"

Cas looked around the establishment. It was dark with designs and images in glowing paint being highlighted by black lights.

Dean paid for shoe rentals and Cas paid for frames, while the girls got snacks. Jo declared they were playing with their drag queen names, and proceeded to whip out her Drag Queen Generator app on her phone. Dean became Devine Intervention, Cas was transformed into Charisma Grande, April was Roxy Cruz, and Jo was Jazzy DuJour. She entered the names into the score sheet

Cas leaned into Dean and whispered, "Remind me why we invited her. This is getting weird."

Dean put his arm around Cas and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Lighten up Charisma," he laughed. 

Cas let himself fall a little harder than he needed to into Dean's side when he squeezed him. _Stop it_! he thought. _You're on a date with April, not Dean_. 

"Okay how about boys against girls, first game," Dean suggested. "Winner buys the beer."

"Dean, you will do anything to get a free beer, even lose to a girl." Jo teased. "Cas, tell me you've got more integrity than to throw a game for a $5 pitcher."

"Please address me by my given name, Charisma, and the only thing I'll be throwing is gutter balls."

"Wait," April cried and ran to the counter. Suddenly there was a noise on their lane and the gutters became bumpers. April returned triumphant. "Now no one has to be embarrassed by how bad they are," she announced.

The motley crew proceeded to play the least serious bowling challenge in the history of bowling challenges. Dean had to try the bowling ramp, Jo tried it with her eyes closed, while Cas attempted backwards between his legs, and April did the two handed granny roll. Between the drinks, and the goofy bowling techniques, the group was laughing and having an absolute blast. Cas almost didn't notice when, at the end of the first game Dean announced "Swap partners," and jumped up and practically threw April into his seat next to Cas. He couldn't help but feel a loss as the spicy, woodsy scent of Dean's cologne was replaced by the flower fragrance that hung over April. "But first, ladies, before you get too comfortable, having throughly destroyed us, you need to get the next round." Dean leaned back on the bench across from Cas while the girls left to get the beer.

"So? How are you feeling? Comfortable?"

Cas nodded. "I'm having fun, but we're more like hanging out as a group, and less like a date."

"Well, try to get snuggly there while you're playing as a team. Talk to the girl."

Cas forced himself to make idle chatter with April in between frames on the next game. She was actually a very nice young woman. They had read many of the same books, she had a strong passion for art, she felt that vegetables had no place on pizza, and while she loved 80's music, she hated power ballads. She was also in her third year at school, and would be playing the lead in the Glass Menagerie at the end of next week, and she hoped Cas would come to see her. Cas glanced over at Dean, who was arguing with Jo over the score on the last frame, and gave April a small smile and said he couldn't wait.

This seemed to help both of them relax more. Little elbow nudges evolved into full body shoving over seat space on the bench, and finally a chest bump of victory when they soundly trounced Jo and Dean on the lane. Finished with bowling, they all jammed themselves into a booth at the snack bar, eating mediocre pizza to absorb some of the beer before starting the walk home. And then when they began that walk, Cas took her hand while they strolled. As they passed the all night donut shop, Jo declared that an assorted dozen might help to chill her mother out over her ditching, and she and Dean waved for Cas and April to go ahead without them. Cas did not miss Dean's wink at him as he and Jo slipped into the shop.

April was spending the night at Jo's so she and Cas kept walking towards the house. As they got to the door, she turned her shy eyes up to him, and said, "Thank you, Cas. I really had a wonderful time."

Cas smiled down at her. "I did too. We should do this again, without chaperones next time." He mentally patted himself on the back for remembering the line Dean had coached him on.

Her face brightened at his words. "Oh I would really love that," she replied, her brown eyes sparkling.

Cas understood that this was the moment. If he didn't do it now, it would get awkward, so he leaned in and kissed her. It was chaste at first, but she very quickly slipped her hands around his neck, pulling him closer. Before it could go much further, suddenly April was pulled away, and there was Jo, looking pissed.

"Sorry to interrupt you two, but I gotta live in this neighbourhood. Say goodnight to Romeo, Juliet."  And with that, the girls disappeared into the house.

Cas turned around and there was Dean, looking guilty. "What the hell was that about?" Cas asked.

Dean sighed. "Occasionally, when she's had too much to drink, Jo tries to convince me that I might like girls, and she makes an awkward pass. It always ends badly, she gets mad at me and I won't be able to go to the Roadhouse for a couple of weeks."

"Dean. You heartbreaker."

"Yeah, shut up. Did my eyes deceive me or were you and April swapping spit when Jo and I caught up?"

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. He could still feel the little hands pulling him closer. It was a nice feeling, someone wanting to be close to him. "Not quite. Maybe if you had picked up a Baker's dozen."

Dean laughed and threw his arm over Cas's shoulder. "Next time." He raised an eyebrow. "You have made plans for next time, right?"

"She's receptive. I'm seeing her play next week. We can make plans then." He looked around. "How are we getting home?"

Dean smiled. "There's always a taxi at the Roadhouse waiting for a fare. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dead tired when I wrote this, and I found myself struggling with letting Cas like this girl, because he's supposed to be in love with Dean. Once I realised that, I was able to let him off his leash. I was nervous about writing this chapter, so I put it off, and finally pushed through it. Feedback is appreciated here.


	7. Something To Talk About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean shares a little history with Cas, and shoves baby bird out of the nest.

“Stop staring at me Dean.”

“I can’t help it. I’m so proud of you. You kissed a girl who wasn’t your girlfriend. Or rather ex-girlfriend. How does it feel?”  

They were in the backyard, enjoying what was left of the day. It was Dean’s turn to make dinner, and he felt like barbecuing steaks.

“Dean, it was barely a kiss, thanks to you and Jo.” Cas was stretched out on a lounger wearing his jogging shorts and a tank top. Dean insisted on making him go for a run after dinner. On weekends they hit the gym. He was helping Cas get his body “summer ready”.

“Not my fault that Jo can’t accept that I’m not into her plumbing.” But Dean suddenly became very focussed on the steaks.

Cas sat up on the lounger. “Is there more to that story Dean? Jo doesn’t seem like the kind of person who believes that gay people just haven’t met the right person.”

Dean hesitated and turned the steaks before answering. “I might be that asshole who experimented with a girl before I was sure it wasn’t my thing." Dean blanched at the look Cas shot at him.

"Oh Dean, how could you?"

"I wasn’t really close to any other girls, and I didn’t want to start trying to date. Ellen was always working late at the Roadhouse, and Jo couldn’t work there yet, so Jo and I were unsupervised in the evenings. A lot. Sometimes Jo would sneak something from the bar, and we would get a little drunk. One night, Jo got her hands on some Jägermeister and the rest is a pleasant blur. She leaned in and kissed me. I guess I always knew she had a crush on me, and I mistook my affection for her as possibly something a little deeper. So of course my Jäger addled teenage brain took over, and I figured, now’s my chance, and I kissed her back. Jo was more experienced than I was, so she put her tongue in my mouth first. After that, it wasn’t long before we were horizontal, and clothes started dropping to the floor.”

“Dean TMI, and please stop!”

“I swear the pants stayed on. I’m not THAT asshole, but it went a little too far. I saw things I shouldn’t have seen, and touched things I shouldn’t have touched, but as soon as she started working my zipper, I sobered up fast, and went home.” Dean picked up the serving plate and put the steaks on it. Cas got up and removed the foil wrapped potatoes and corn from the higher rack, and took them over to the table that had been laid out on the deck. Dean joined him with the steaks.

“Came out to her the next week. Jo took it hard, dude kisses her and decides he’s gay. I told her it wasn’t like that, that I just wasn’t into girls at all, and it had been an inconvenient moment to figure that out. She barely spoke to me for a year.” 

Cas husked the corn cobs while Dean served the steaks. “I remember that. Anna knew about it. I asked what was wrong, and she said it was none of my business and stay out of it because it was between you and Jo. But she knew and she was really mad at you.”

“Oh, I was King of the Douchebags among Jo’s friends. Maybe I deserved that. But I did not deserve what they had planned for me.” Dean looked at Cas. “I hadn’t planned to come out in high school. I was hoping to go to an out of state college, and get on with my life from there.” Dean looked at his baked potato, and became very focused on putting on butter and sour cream. “Cas, there was a reason we weren’t as close after you started dating Anna in senior year. I didn’t come out to my parents. Anna outed me to my dad. To get back at me for Jo.” 

Cas just froze. He remembered the day Dean showed up on his doorstep and asked to talk to his mom alone, and Cas's mom told him Dean would be living with them. Later, when he asked what happened, his best friend told him he was gay, and his dad had kicked him out. It never occurred to Cas to ask him why he had come out to his parents. At the time his mind was sort of reeling, but he hugged Dean and told him that it changed nothing, they were still best friends. But he had wondered why Dean suddenly felt the need to out himself so young, and so publicly. He had talked to his coach and all of his teammates, and they had all been supportive, and he joined the GSA at school, and was their most vocal advocate. 

“Dean?”

“Preemptive strike.” Dean attacked his steak. “Anna had informed me that my parents were only the beginning. She was going to publicly out me at school. Jo felt like shit, and when she was speaking to me again, she apologized for it. She hadn’t intended for Anna to use the information, she was just crushed about what happened and had told her best friend everything. But instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop, I took the initiative to take control of my life.” 

Cas remembered when they all used to get together, Dean and Anna were very frosty to one another. And then, when people in the group started pairing off, and he and Anna became a couple, he and Dean had sort of drifted apart. He had always assumed it was just because that’s what happened when you became a couple.

“Hey, you better eat. I’m taking you on a two mile hike after dinner.”  

Cas looked up. What could he say to his friend? If he had known, he never would have been with Anna. He never would have betrayed Dean like that. Dean knew that and that was why he didn’t tell him. How could he apologize for abandoning his friend? “Two miles,” he protested. “I’m going to puke up everything I eat. Why don’t I just dump my plate in the garbage right now?”

“Well then you won’t have the protein you need to lift those weights afterwards.”

“What weights? We only do weights on the weekend.” 

“There is no definition in your arms at all, and you are not rocking a six pack, you have more of a keg shape going on. I don't care what the magazines say, the 'dad body' is not hot. I’m trying to get you summer ready.”

Cas grumbled and took a bite of his steak. Oh, it was like a work of art. Dean definitely knew how to cook a steak. He ate while Dean yammered on about roadwork, and how they were going to get him some golden highlights in his hair, and find him his signature scent, and then go through his wardrobe and discard some of his clothes. “What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“Plaid flannel? Really? Maybe that was cool in the 70s, but we’re not cavemen anymore. No one ever got laid wearing flannel.” 

“No, they got laid after removing the flannel, and I do just fine with what I have.” 

“Really, says the guy who couldn’t even seal the deal with a proper kiss last night.”

“Well it sounds like the only reason I didn’t get to first with April last night was because you got to second with Jo 8 years ago.”

“You’re right. I apologize, but man. This has go to be the most convoluted c-blocking on record. Who could dream that my little dalliance would screw up your future action?”

“I wouldn’t say it was screwed up. April and I have been texting all day.” Cas blushed and smiled. “I’m going to be her date for the after party on Saturday night.”

Dean grinned. “Excellent work, buddy. Now finish and get laced up so we can get moving. And lose the shirt. Summer ready requires an all over tan.”

 

Cas rolled off of the weight bench and onto the mat. “No more, Dean,” he panted. “My heart is going to explode.” True to his word, Dean put Cas to work on the weights as soon as they got back from the run.

“Oh, but Cas you were doing so well. Just a few more. If you want to eat baked potatoes, you have to pay the price. You need to push yourself.”

“I said no more!” Cas stood up.

“Pussy.” 

Cas turned around. “What did you call me?”

Dean walked right up to him and locked eyes. “Did I stutter?”

“Man I could take you in a fair fight.” Dean’s eyes started to twinkle, and he gave Cas a wicked smile. Before Cas even knew what was happening, Dean grabbed him and flipped him over and down in a perfect pin. Apparently Dean hadn’t forgotten his wrestling moves from college. 

Dean leaned down and whispered in his ear, “I wouldn’t fight you fair.” 

Holy shit, that was hot! Cas closed his eyes. He suddenly felt uncomfortably comfortable lying sweaty and half naked pinned under his equally sweaty and half naked friend. More than comfortable, aroused, and any second now he would not be able to hide the evidence of that. Quick think.  What would Dean like more than physically punishing Cas with weights?

“If you let me up now, I’ll do the dishes AND clean the barbecue.”

“Deal, pussy,” Dean grunted and headed for the shower.

“Can we go back to calling me Princess?” Cas called from his back on the mat.

 

Castiel stood in front of the mirror. He looked pretty good. Dean came in and stood behind him and studied his mirror image with him. Finally he gave him a thumbs up.

“You did your own hair. I’m so proud. And, because you’ve been such a good student, I’m letting you take Baby.” Dean held up the keys to the Impala.

Cas’s eyes went wide. Dean never let anyone drive his car. Well, a couple of times, Sam, but he was family. Cas was overwhelmed. “Dean, are you sure?”

“I trust you. Besides, you need a car for a date. You can’t make out on the bus. But heavy petting only. No sex in my car. Bad for the leather seats.”

“What are you going to do tonight? If you like, I’m sure we could get another ticket, and it’s a party after.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. That will make for another uncomfortable good night kiss. Besides, you do understand I had a whole other life before you moved in. I have other amusements to keep me busy.”

Cas looked at Dean. He had been so focussed on himself that he hadn’t noticed Dean had showered, and shaved, and was dressed up as well. “Do you have a date?” 

Dean ducked his head, and smiled. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“I thought you weren’t dating.” Cas stated, petulantly.

“Well, I wasn’t, until Michael asked me out a few days ago.” Dean said. “He joined my gym a while back. I sort of checked him out, but he didn’t seem interested, and then the other day, he approached me. He’s really cute, and he’s got an awesome tattoo!” His eyes were almost sparkling, and Cas suddenly felt like he had a lead weight in his stomach. 

“I’d better get going,” Cas said, heading for the door. He didn’t want to be there when Michael arrived. “I don’t want to be late.” 

“Cas have a good time. I won’t wait up.”

“Right back at you!” Cas called back, but not at all sure that he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea and wanted to run with it. And I'm sure there are one or two girls who have lived the Jo experience. I myself was in the middle of a bizarre love triangle when I was about 18.


	8. Some Kind of Wonderful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas goes on a date and solicits more advice from Dean.

Castiel was nervous as he drove to April’s home. The play had been marvellous, and April was wonderful in the lead role as Laura. She really was quite talented. They put in an appearance at the party, where she was swarmed by well wishers, but she confessed to Cas that she really wasn’t in the mood to party, and she had the afternoon shift at the Roadhouse the next day anyway.  They left soon after the review for the school paper was revealed to be a rave. He took her out to a quiet dessert place where they shared a decadent chocolate concoction, and just talked and enjoyed each other’s company. 

He pretended not to notice that she had reapplied lip gloss as they walked to the car after the restaurant, but as he parked in front of her apartment, he realized his palms were sweaty, and quickly dragged his hands along the front of his jeans to dry them.

April turned to him. “Thank you for coming to see my show tonight, Cas. It meant a lot to me to have someone there. Jo was working, and my family lives out of state.”

“April, I should thank you. I love Tennessee Williams, and _Glass Menagerie_ is often overlooked for something with a Big Daddy involved.” April laughed, and Cas was relieved that she had started to get his humour. “And your student production was very professional.”  

“This was our final project for the year, and that means for costume design students, for the stage production students. Even our director is an MFA student. It’s 50% of our grade so it’s a big deal. We can get very professional when we are being marked.” If it was possible, her eyes got even bigger when she looked so serious.

“Well, you are guaranteed an A for your performance.” Cas assured her, and she blushed and smiled.

“I also really enjoyed spending time with you,” she said quietly, reaching out to take his hand. 

“Then we should do this more often,” Cas replied, thinking Dean would be proud, and why the hell was he thinking about Dean when he was clearly about to kiss April, and then, he kissed April.

She was minimally experienced and he was singularly experienced, and the kiss was awkward at best, but sweet. He walked her to her door, and gave her another quick kiss as she went inside, and promised to call her tomorrow. He breathed a huge sigh of relief as he walked back to the car. This was getting easier.

 

As he pulled in at the house, he noticed the lights were on. Dean must be home already. Cas grabbed a beer out of the fridge and headed down to the rec room and sat on the sofa next to Dean, who was watching You’ve Got Mail.

“So? How was your evening?” Dean asked without looking at Cas. 

“It was nice, we had a nice time. The play was really good, and she was wonderful, which was fortunate. We didn’t stay long at the party, which was kind of a free for all, we just went someplace quiet to talk.” Cas held up his hand. “Please don’t say anything about ‘butt sniffing’. We shared something called “Death by Chocolate.” 

Dean looked at him. “I thought you didn’t like chocolate.” 

“I don’t. That’s why I’m a good date.” Cas smiled. “Why are you watching this horrible movie?”  

“We’ve had this conversation.”

 “I’m not talking about the genre, I’m talking about this crappy remake of a very beautiful, but not so well known James Stewart movie called The Shop Around the Corner. They ripped it off, right down the the carnation in the book scene.”

“I love Jimmy. He's way hotter that Tom Hanks. Why can’t I meet a guy like Jimmy?” Dean sighed. He took Cas’s beer out of his hands.

“Uh, that’s my beer.” Cas said.

“Now it’s mine. Next time bring two.” Dean replied, channel surfing. Clearly he was in a funny mood. Cas went to get another beer, and came back. Dean had settled on a Law & Order Criminal Intent rerun.

“Did your date not go well?” Cas asked, leaning back.  

Dean sighed, and looked at Cas. “It was okay. Michael was very charming, and attentive, and we seem to have a lot in common. He’s a sports writer, so we have common interests.”

“I sense a but,” Cas offered.

“Not really. I mean there shouldn’t be. The only butt should be his very attractive one. It might have just been first date nerves. The restaurant felt a little formal. We were much more comfortable when he was showing me his awesome collection of classic rock vinyl.”

“You went to his place?”

“Well yeah. He doesn’t carry them around in the trunk of his car. He wanted me to try this special vintage wine he had too. I’ve never been a wine lover, but he taught me a few things. I think I could learn to like it a bit.”

"Sorta sounds like a line, Dean. Like he was just trying to get you to go back to his place."

Dean feigned innocence. "Oh my god, Cas. Ya think?"

Cas couldn’t hold out any longer. He had to ask. “Did you kiss him?” He asked right before drinking his beer, hoping he sounded more casual than nosey. He tried to appear uninterested as he looked at the TV. Dean was quiet, and when Cas finally looked at him, he found Dean’s green eyes studying him intently. “What?” 

“Sort of a personal question. A very personal question.” 

“Well, you asked me about my date.”

“I asked you how your evening was. Didn’t ask you if you steamed up the windows of my car.” Dean raised an eyebrow. “We’ve talked about this. There has always been an unspoken rule that Dean doesn’t talk about his dates with his straight friends.” 

“Why is that?” Cas asked.

“Well it wasn’t my idea. You all had a part in this too. Now if I had to guess, I would say because it’s one thing to accept that your friend is gay, and it’s another thing entirely to have a picture in your head of him with another man’s tongue in his mouth while they grab each others asses and caress…”

“Okay!” Cas cut him off. “I was trying to be polite.”

 Dean smirked and looked at the TV again. “No, you were being nosey. I went to the man’s apartment. Yes. We ‘kissed’.” 

Cas could hear the air quotes. “Are you going out again?” 

“Yes. He was a very good ‘kisser’. And I owe it to myself to try him out again. I’ve been alone too long. And next time he offered to make me dinner.” Dean paused. “So? Did you and April kiss?”

“Yes, but not like you did.” 

Dean smirked. “Well why in god’s name not? It’s why I gave you the car. Honestly Cas, I can’t go on these dates for you.”

Cas stared at the TV, and then he looked down at his hands. “Because, apparently, I lack Michael’s skills. I’m not, a good… kisser.”

Dean just laughed. “How do you know this?”

“Anna told me. She always said that I was lucky she loved me so much because I was a terrible kisser.” It suddenly became very important to Cas to peel the label off of his beer bottle. “I don’t think she was wrong. It didn’t feel …” Cas tilted his head to one side, looking for the right word. “I don’t know. When I see other people kiss, it seems to me that kissing is enhancing the experience of intimacy.”

“Thank you for that very clinical observation, professor. But you’re not wrong, kissing should make you hot. It’s a form of foreplay.” Dean said, matter of factly.

“When I kissed Anna, I was just sort of going through the motions. And now with April, I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared of screwing it up. I've heard the women in my office talk. A bad kisser can be a deal breaker, and I really like April.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Well what about April?”

“If it’s possible, I think she has less experience than I do.” Cas put his bottle on the table anddropped his head into his hands. Dean went back to channel surfing. The room was very quiet, and then Cas said, very timidly, “Dean?” 

Dean replied, “Yes Cas.” And his tone told Castiel that Dean had already figured out the path that Cas’s mind had gone down, and that maybe Cas should have just said ‘good night’ and it was not too late to just go to bed and pretend that he had never been about to suggest what he was about to suggest, but the words were out before he could stop himself.

“Do guys ever teach each other how to kiss?”

“No Cas.” Dean was answering before Cas had finished the question.

“I’ve heard that girls teach each other how to kiss.”

“14-year-old girls, Cas. And if you had asked me when I was 14, I might have helped you out. I would have punched you first, and said, I’m not a fag, but then I would have messed around with you in the rec room in our basement.” Cas looked at Dean, the unasked question in his eyes. Dean just raised an eyebrow. Cas shook his head and moved on.

“Actors kiss,” he persisted. 

“Yes, but they are getting paid.”

“I could pay you.” Cas replied.

“Well, as I’m not an actor, that would make me a prostitute.”

“Prostitutes don’t kiss on the mouth, Dean.”

“It’s not really about the money, though, is it, Cas?” 

“Watts did it for Keith.” Cas countered, head tilted down, eyes cast up, full on sad puppy dog eyes.

Dean laughed. "Fuck you, Cas! We are not having a _Some Kind Of Wonderful_ moment! And Watts was secretly in love with Keith, so she was doing it for her benefit. Otherwise besties don’t offer to help their friends deliver “a kiss that kills”. There has to be a line we don’t cross. This seems like a pretty good place for that line.”  

“Dean, the only reason guys don't do this is because they are afraid people will think they’re gay. You are gay.” Castiel gave a small smile, and big innocent eyes again.

“Dude. Do you actually believe you can logic me into practicing kissing with you?” 

Castiel sighed, and looked his friend straight in the eye. “Dean, I firmly believe that if I couldn’t, you wouldn’t still be having this conversation with me.” 

"Son of a bitch!" Dean finished his beer and slammed the bottle down on the table. “Pretty big words for a guy who was freaked out about sleeping in the same bed two months ago!” he shouted. "Now you want to exchange bodily fluids." He stormed out of the room, going upstairs to the kitchen. Cas could hear him opening cupboards and rummaging for something. Finally he came back downstairs and opened the little beer fridge in the corner and took something out. He came back to the sofa, and on the table he placed two shot glasses, and a bottle of Jägermeister. 

“If it worked for girls 8 years ago, it should work for guys tonight.” Dean poured two shots. “I swear to god, if you ever tell anyone I did this, I will kill you.” Dean looked at Cas, who just looked back, blue eyes wide with amazement.

Finally Cas replied, "Dean, in what scenario would this be a good story for me to tell anyone? Hey Gabriel, guess what I convinced Dean to do last night. Nope. Don't see that conversation happening."

“We’re not doing this sober. Drink.” Dean downed his shot and poured another.

Cas obediently reached for his shot and brought it to his mouth. If someone were to ask him right now, the truth was he wasn’t really sure if he felt he needed Dean’s expertise to teach him how to be a better kisser, or if he just wanted to kiss Dean. And then, he had an epiphany. He wondered if Dean wanted to kiss him too. Cas downed his shot, and waited for Dean to pour him another.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I got the idea, I knew that if I wanted to do it, I had to make it work. I think Cas and I made a pretty convincing argument, but if you think I have jumped the shark, let me know. This felt like a natural cliffhanger, couple reasons. If you feel I went too far, really, tell me. I want to know, and if the feedback is negative, I will delete the chapter and go a different way. If I'm gonna write this kiss scene, I'm going to have to move slow, and be wide awake. Trying to do this tonight, and rushing will frustrate me to no end.


	9. This Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kiss. 'Nuff said.

Cas took his second shot and looked at his friend who was scanning his DVD library. "Dean, why do you need to be drunk to do this?" 

Dean put a movie in the DVD player and looked at Cas. "Don't need to be drunk. Drunk would be very bad. If you think you're getting drunk, please stop drinking now. We need to be relaxed." Dean reached for the remote. "People don't just sit down and decide to start making out, Cas, which is essentially what you're asking me to do." Dean started going through the chapters of the movie, looking for something. "You are with your date, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. There has been a buildup, there are romantic feelings between you, you're sitting close, you've been talking, there is music, there is mood lighting, and you want to be close to this person. That is the natural order of things. We're skipping that. So we have to artificially induce that intimate feeling, because I can't do this cold sober, but more importantly, YOU can't do this cold sober." 

"Why?" Cas asked petulantly. 

Dean sat on the ottoman, across from Cas. "Because you're kissing a man. I've kissed a lot of straight curious guys. That's not a problem. But these guys all had one thing in common. They were drunk. You're my friend so it's weird, but you asked for it, so I'm reconciling it in my head that way. But you're kissing a man. You've never done that before. I think you're in a state of shock right now, because, despite all your big talk, you never thought I'd agree to it. And if I tried to do it sober, you'd shove me away as soon as we made contact. So you need to be relaxed. But not too relaxed." Dean turned back to the movie on the screen.  

"Why not too relaxed?" he persisted. 

"I told you that kissing is foreplay. Straight or gay, your body is going to respond to stimuli." Dean shrugged. "Mine too. You need to be sober enough to stop when you feel you've learned your lesson. Because I didn't care about straight curious boys who came on to me at the club, and went a little further than they had planned. The next day they could tell themselves they were drunk and didn't know what they were doing. But I will not lose my best friend because you got drunk and curious. So that can't happen." 

Dean dimmed the lights and sat next to Cas on the sofa and hit play. There was a very tomboyish Mary Stuart Masterson on the screen. 

Cas couldn't help it. He started to laugh. "Dean, she sort of looks like you." 

Dean laughed too. "Screw you." he said, and then the shot cut to a close up of Eric Stoltz. "Too bad you don't look more like him."  

Cas realised they were watching the famous kissing scene from Some Kind of Wonderful. The scene was pretty steamy for a simple kiss. Actually sort of hot. He was supposed to be identifying with Keith, who thought he was practicing kissing with his best friend, but suddenly he found himself feeling like Watts, who had a hidden agenda, and got a little more than she bargained for. He was starting to feel a little dizzy and confused. Was this a mistake? Dean was right. They were best friends. If this went pear shaped, it would change everything. He didn't want to lose his friend over a fleeting fantasy. He turned to Dean to tell him to stop, and then there was a rough hand gently caressing his cheek, and warm, soft lips pressed against his. 

His first rational thought was Dean had been right. Sober he would have pushed him away, and this launch without warning was smart too. He had already been thinking about it too much. If Dean had given him any warning he would have panicked. His next thought was that he had definitely been doing it wrong. This felt really good.  

There was one hand at the back of his head, holding him close, and another at his face, thumb gently caressing his cheek. And the lips. Slightly parted and softly pressing against his. Wait. He should kiss back. So he tried to mirror what Dean was doing. He'd hugged Dean before, but how broad his friends chest was had never really registered before. He got his arms around him, one hand on Dean's neck, one on his shoulder.  

The tip of Dean's tongue brushed soft and light against Cas's lower lip, looking for permission, and Cas's parted lips granted it, and quite of their own accord, his arms pulled Dean closer. He felt Dean's tongue caress his upper lip and tentatively let his own tongue explore Dean's. Without meaning to, he softly moaned and arched his back a little.  

His response caused Dean to break the kiss. He pulled back and looked at Castiel. For a moment Castiel couldn't breath, and looking at Dean, it was like he was seeing him for the first time. To his relief, Dean leaned in and kissed him again, more forcefully this time, he pushed Cas back down on the sofa, and Cas pulled him down, carding his hand through his hair, just like his fantasy, and Dean resumed his exploration of Castiel's mouth, Cas gently sucked on his tongue, and reveled in the feel of Dean's body crushing his. They both pulled their legs onto the sofa, and slotted their legs together. Cas ran his hands down Dean's muscled back and started up his torso, and Dean moaned into Cas's mouth, and Cas felt all blood head south and it didn't matter, because he was pretty sure that was not a roll of quarters that was pushing into his hip.Dean slid his hands under Cas's shirt, and Cas could feel Dean's rough fingers against his bare skin. Seemed like a great idea, so he pulled at Dean's t-shirt, and broke the kiss long enough to pull it over Dean's head, and then Dean worked the buttons on his. 

The sensation of Dean's naked chest against his was too much. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He broke the kiss, but pulled Dean's head down against his neck. Dean obliged him by kissing and biting at his neck, while Cas tried to get his breath back. He gently bit Dean's shoulder, and they were both grinding against each other, trying to get some relief for their aching erections. Without thinking, Cas reached down to Dean’s zipper. Suddenly Dean stopped, pulled away from Cas and jumped off the sofa. 

Dean took a breath and composed himself. "Good night, Cas," he said simply as he headed upstairs.

Cas stared, dumbfounded. He felt like he had been having an out of body experience. "Good night, Dean." Cas collapsed back onto the sofa.


	10. Trickster For the Win

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas needs to confide in someone. Who better than family?

Castiel stared at the ceiling. In the background he could hear the credits rolling with an odd cover of I Can’t Help Falling In Love playing over them. Seemed a bit too on the nose, and he laughed softly.

Reaching around in the dark for his shirt, he found Dean’s instead, and picked it up and held it against his cheek. Smelled like Dean, and that made his heart ache. He found his shirt, and took them both upstairs. Dean’s door was closed, but he could see light coming from under the door. He wanted to knock, but he remembered Dean’s one privacy rule from the first day. A closed door means do not disturb. Besides, what was he going to say? Sorry I sexually harassed you. He couldn’t even blame the alcohol. Take more than two shots of Jäger and a beer to make him lose his faculties. He headed for the bathroom and took a shower. A long, icy cold one. As he towelled his hair dry, he saw his face in the mirror. He had felt something in the shower but now he could see it. Stubble burn. Perfect. Now how was he going to explain that to the ladies at work? My girlfriend has a heavy beard. Don’t mention it, she’s sensitive.

Cas went to the kitchen and found a cold pack in the freezer and held it against his face while he searched for a snack. Making out always made him hungry. He smiled at his own dark humour. Inappropriate behaviour called for an inappropriate snack. Candy cereal. He opened the far cupboard and found the Sugar Crisp. He was just getting the milk when Dean came out of his room. He met Cas’s eyes across the glow from the refrigerator, shook his head, turned around and went back to his room.

_Okay_ , he thought. _So that happened._ He poured the milk on his cereal, and went to get a spoon, and when he turned back to the table, Dean was standing right in front of him again, holding a towel, a washcloth and two small bottles.   

“Your face is a mess. This is tea tree oil. It will help with inflammation and prevents infection. This is a face lotion with aloe. It will also help with the inflammation, and pain. Sit.” 

Dean ran the washcloth under the water, and came back to press it against Cas’s reddened skin. “I had an, ahem, friend who had a really heavy beard. Tore up my face something awful.” Then he picked up the towel. “Don’t rub, pat dry.” Using a cotton pad, he carefully applied the oil and lotion to Cas’s face. You need to wash your face twice a day. Do you have a mild antibacterial face soap? Wait, look who I’m asking. Never mind. I’ll put some in your bathroom.”

Castiel reached up and took Dean’s hand. “Thank you Dean,” he said quietly.

“Don’t mention it, Cas.” Dean said, meeting his eyes, and Cas read his double meaning, loud and clear. “Don’t stay up too late though. You need to get up early tomorrow,” he said heading back to his room. 

“I do.” 

“Yes, you do if you want to be able to get fresh blueberries for the waffles you are making me for breakfast.”

 “Right. I’ll set my alarm.” 

“Good night, Princess.”

Cas smiled. “Good night, Dean.”

  

Cas was just finishing brushing his teeth the next morning when he heard Dean stomping around in the kitchen and talking on his phone. He was at the table, writing a list when Cas wandered out of the bathroom.

“Adding to the grocery list. I’m getting more than blueberries?” 

“You’re getting company. Sam wants come over to watch the game, and he thought that was a good excuse to have a barbecue as well. So we have some shopping to do.” Dean looked up from his list. “You should invite your brothers too. Do you think they’ll come?” 

“Free food, and a chance to watch the game on your TV? Yeah, the problem will be getting them to leave.”

“Fine, call them on the way. Let’s go.”

Cas grabbed the reusable shopping bags, and they went off to hit the markets. It was a beautiful day, and the Farmer’s Market was crowded, but they were still able to load up on lots of fresh produce, and some baked goods. Cas was astounded at how cool Dean was being. It was like last night had never happened. And while it was great that they could get past the whole incident, there was something below the surface of their comfortable friendship. Because he was pretty sure that what they had done was more than just a body’s normal response to stimuli. And if it happened once, it was likely to happen again.

 

“Cassie, darling, bring us another beer.”

“How about bring us another beer, please?” Castiel admonished, placing a beer in Balthazar’s hand. He was taking care of some prep during the halftime show. He hated football anyway. Dean was getting the grill ready. He hated halftime.

“Thanks, you’re an angel.” Balthazar replied.

“Cas, need any help,” Gabriel asked. 

Cas looked over at his brother. Gabriel was looking at him, and raised an eyebrow. Gabe had always been pretty good at reading Cas’s moods. Cas may not have wanted to talk, but Gabriel sensed that he needed to. “I wouldn’t say no to an assistant for the potato salad.” They went upstairs to the kitchen, and Cas set Gabriel up with a bowl of potatoes that needed to be cut, while he peeled the eggs.

“So how’s domestic bliss?” Gabriel asked. Cas looked at him questioningly. “Well you paint together, you shop together, you go out on dates together, and there seems to be a division of domestic labour. You two are practically married.” Gabriel teased, as he chopped potatoes. Then he looked up at Castiel. “I guess the only thing you don’t do is sleep together. Or am I wrong?” Cas dropped his egg.

“I, um, wha.., huh?” 

Gabriel smirked while he watched Cas clean the egg off the floor. “I was joking. But you didn’t answer my question,” he said. “And your cheeks are bright pink. Did you get too much sun or too much-”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” 

“Just one question, who jumped who first?” Castiel looked up at his brother with the most miserable face. Gabriel pulled his brother off the floor, dragged him to his bedroom, and shut the door. He sat next to Cas on the bed and said, “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what happened. It started when I first moved in. I was noticing things about him, and he massaged me, and then I had to sleep in his bed,” Cas was tripping over his words, it was so good to finally be able to talk to someone about this. “And April. God, what about April?”

Gabriel put his hands on his shoulders. “Slow down. Start over.” 

Castiel thought for a second. “It started when I moved in. It’s like… I just sort of… He takes off his shirt a lot!” Cas exclaimed indignantly.

“If I had his body I would too.” 

“I told him he should wear a shirt more often.”

“You did what?”

“Shut up. I was not going to sleep with a shirtless Dean. There were just all these things, like the massage when I hurt my back, the touching me when we work out, I mean, I know he has to, but it’s been killing me. When he cooks, he makes me taste stuff off of his finger” Cas turned to Gabriel. “You can’t tell anyone, but he likes romantic comedies, and he gets all clingy and weepy.” Cas reached in his bedside desk and pulled out a TV guide. “I started buying these so I could find out when a good movie comes on and I can be like pretending to channel surf and suddenly "Hey look, While You Were Sleeping is on, and he brings snacks.” Cas grabbed Gabriel's hands. "Last week, he fed me ice cream off of his spoon."

Gabriel struggled to compose himself. “Yeah. He’s playing with you.”

“What?”

“He’s playing with you. The massage may have been genuine concern if you were hurt, but you pretty much told him you were checking him out when you told him to put on a shirt. He’s playing with you.”

“Why would he do that?” 

“Because he can.” Gabriel chuckled. "Cas, you are so much fun to mess with because you're just so gullible." Gabriel pinched his cheek. " And your face is so precious when people goof on you."

“Well why would he set me up with April?” Cas was getting confused. Talking was supposed to help.

“Because he’s your friend. He’s playing with you because it’s fun, but he knows you like girls, so he’s helping you to move on.” Gabriel smiled reassuringly.

“Well why did he agree to teach me how to kiss?”

“He did what now?”

“Last night, after my date with April. I asked Dean to teach me how to be a better kisser.”

“Why would you do that?”

“So I could be a better kisser? That shouldn’t have been a question, should it?” Cas asked.

Gabriel fished a Werther’s out of his pocket. “Well, I’m no therapist, but no.” He fell back on the bed. “So what happened.”

Cas fell back next to him. “Dean’s a very good teacher.”

Gabriel sighed. “And that explains the rash on your face.” Cas smiled sheepishly. “Bad reaction to shellfish my ass.” Gabriel turned to look at Cas. “Did you?” Cas shook his head no. “Did you want to? 

"I sort of made a pass."

"Sort of? What did you say?"

Cas winced. "I didn't say anything, I just sort of reached for-"

"Got it. Just stop. You're still my brother, I don't need any images burned into my brain. So who stopped this speeding train?"

"Dean did. Jesus, Gabriel, I feel so awful. I assaulted my best friend."

"Cas, Dean outweighs you by 30 pounds, and all of that is solid muscle. You didn't force him to do anything. Dean did what he wanted to. And you are guilty of bad judgement."

Cas shrugged. “I don’t know if it was me or the Jägermeister.”

“Jägermeister?” Gabriel sat up. “No story that begins with Jäger ever ends well. What were you thinking? What was Dean thinking? Well, I guess we know what Dean was thinking. Dean was thinking that he finally gets to fuck his best friend. I ought to kick his ass. You’re still my baby brother.” Gabriel was livid.

“Gabe, why are you so mad? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Dean messing with you. I warned him years ago not to mess with you.” 

“What are you talking about? This is my fault. I pushed him.”

“Cas, you are so naive. You didn’t push him, you invited him. Dean wanted to kiss you, and you gave him the go ahead. Then things went too far. At least he stopped that." Gabriel looked at Cas. "I don't care if you have sex with Dean or not, but you shouldn't be drunk when you do it." He shook his head. "Do you know when I found out Dean was gay? It was two years before he came out, you guys were about 14. I found him in your room one day, you had gone to the kitchen for snacks. He was holding your pillow and sniffing it. Damnedest thing I ever saw. Asked him what he was doing. Freaked him out, the poor guy was so flustered, but I think he was relieved to have someone to talk to. He told me then that he had feelings for you. I told him that was fine, but that he wasn’t to mess with you unless you made the first move.”

Cas was not listening. Dean had feelings for him. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He never got a green light. And once you started dating a girl, he figured it was game over. I felt pretty bad for him when you and Anna moved in together. I saw him at the Roadhouse that week and we talked about it. He said he was okay, he just wanted you to be happy.”

“So what? Am I gay, or bi, or what?” 

“I don’t know baby bro. You were drunk, it was dark, someone touched your dick and it felt good. That’s biology. Straight men get blow jobs from gay men all the time. It doesn’t make them gay. Straight men get pegged by their wives all over the world every night, and that doesn’t make them gay. How you have sex, who you have it with, that’s not what makes someone gay, that's just what feels good. Do you love Dean? Not as your best friend, but as someone to have a relationship with. Would you plan a life with him, like you did with Anna? Gay, straight, who gives a shit? Does he make you happy? That’s what matters, and only you can answer that."

Gabriel got up and opened the door. “We need to finish that potato salad.”

Cas got off the bed.

"You know I'm gonna tell Balthazar all of this right?" Gabriel smiled mischievously. 

Cas sighed. "Yeah, I figured. Just not 'til after you leave, okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed Cas to know that he can go there if he wants to. I also want to see a shift in the balance of power. This might provide one.


	11. Brothers in Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh so much happening. Party at Dean and Cas's, and they have a sleepover.

After the game, Dean started up the barbecue and everyone moved the party outside.

“Castiel, a little birdie told me you have a new love interest.” Balthazar said as he made himself comfortable in the lounger. “You must share all the details.”

Cas choked on his iced tea, and Gabriel walked over to slap him on the back. “Yeah, that was me. I told him about April.”

Cas cleared his throat. “Oh well, yes. I don’t know if I’d call her a love interest yet,” he said, catching Dean’s eyes on him as he spoke. “We’ve only gone out twice.” 

Balthazar looked at him. “There must be more details than that. What does she look like, where did you meet her, what does she do, and most importantly, when do we get to meet her?”

“April is very pretty. She’s a student, she’s studying theatre, but she works part time at the Roadhouse. Dean introduced us.”

“Dean? Didn’t know you were a matchmaker.” Gabriel said, giving him a look. “Cas is lucky to have you looking out for him.”

Cas watched as Dean ducked his head avoiding Gabriel’s look and focussed on the the grill.

“Hey, I know that girl, she's cute.” Sam said. “Could’ve introduced me, Dean. Way to look out for your little brother.”

“Well she didn’t ask about you, did she? She only has eyes for Cas.”

“Seems to be a lot of that going around,” Gabriel muttered low, so that only Cas heard him. “Must be something in the water.” Cas elbowed him in the ribs. Hard.

Cas’s phone chimed. Text message from April. Crap. He was supposed to call her today.

“Cassie, you should have invited her here today.”

“Oh yeah,” Gabriel laughed. “She would have loved this sausage fest.”

“Well excuse me for taking an interest in my brother’s love life. I would just like to meet his new girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Cas exclaimed, a little louder than he needed to. Everyone looked at him. “We’ve only gone out twice. If I were to introduce you to her now, she’d never agree to a third date.” He got up. “I should get the table ready.”

He got up and went inside. He pulled down a tray and took out the melamine plates and plastic glasses to set the table with before taking out his phone and calling April.

“Hey,” she said when she picked up. “I’d just about given up on you. I have to go to work in an hour and I didn’t want to miss your call.”

“Sorry, we had unexpected guests today. Dean’s brother, Sam, and my brothers are here to watch the game and mooch a free meal.”

“Oh Gabriel and Balthazar, you’ve talked so much about them, I’d love to meet them.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll revisit that theory after you do. Now that they know where you work, I’m sure they’ll come in and do some surveillance. Be on the lookout for obnoxious jerks.”

“You’ll have to narrow it down a bit. I work in a bar. Do they look like you?”

“Not a bit. Family joke is that I’m the mailman’s kid.” Cas joked. “I can’t talk for too long, or they’ll come looking for me, but I was wondering if you’d like to get together next weekend.”

“I’d like that very much.” April sighed.

“Great. I have to go, but I’ll call you later this week, we’ll make plans.” 

“Okay. Bye Cas.” 

“Bye April.” Cas smiled as he disconnected, and as he turned back to his tray, he saw Dean in the doorway.

“Sammy wanted cheese on his burger,” he said crossing to the fridge. Cas wondered if he heard him on the phone. Dean went back outside, and Cas finished loading the tray and took everything out.

“Thank god,” Gabriel said, grabbing the hamburger buns. “I thought we’d starve out here.”

Cas made his way to the table. “Your feet aren’t painted on. You could always come and get them your self.” 

Balthazar and Gabriel looked at each other then shook their heads and said “Nah!” at the same time, and laughed. Cas threw broccoli florets from the raw veggie plate at them.

Balthazar sipped his drink. “Cas I think there’s something wrong with this iced tea.”

“What is it?”

“It’s iced tea. Where’s the Long Island part?”

“You’ve been drinking all afternoon. We need you boys to be able to drive home safe tonight.” Dean spoke from the grill.

“Oh, can’t we stay here.” Balthazar whined. “You have plenty of room.” 

“Really? Because last time I checked we had two beds.” Cas said, putting out plates and napkins.

Gabriel smirked. “That works out. Sam can have the sofa, Balty and I can sleep in your bed, and you can sleep with Dean.”

Balthazar turned and clinked glasses with Gabriel. “Cheers, big brother. Well thought out. Now I can fix this iced tea. Somebody fetch the tequila. And the vodka. And the white rum -” Gabriel winked at Cas as he ran to fill Balthazar’s requests.

Dean chuckled as he flipped the burgers. “That won’t work,” he laughed. “You’ll never get Cas into my bed.”

“Are you saying my sweet little brother isn’t an adorable enough teddy bear for you? Mr. Winchester, you insult my family’s honour!”

“I’m saying he would never willingly share a bed with me. You’d have to hog tie him.”

“Sounds like more fun for both of you.” Gabriel said, as he returned with half the bar. Sam laughed so hard he fell out of the hammock. 

“Ouch! Hey, how do you know Cas won’t sleep in your bed?” Sam asked. “Have you asked him to before?” 

Cas just sat at the table, nibbled on carrot sticks and wondered how it had all gone so terribly, terribly wrong.

Balthazar and Gabriel and Sam all looked at him, while Dean just whistled, and put cheese on some of the burgers.

"There's a story here, and someone needs to tell it, or I'm just going to make stuff up, and I guarantee my story will be more lurid than the truth." Balthazar said, pouring way too much tequila into the mix.

“It was the oil based paint.” Cas finally said. “I couldn’t sleep in my room until it dried. So I had to sleep in Dean’s bed. The end.”

“I’m assuming you didn’t hog tie him for real. How’d you get him in?” Sam asked.

Dean started piling the burgers on a serving plate. “Threatened his manhood," he grinned.

Balthazar laughed. “Delightful. I don’t even want to know. Darling Cas, nobody cares. Everyone experiments in college. You’re just a late bloomer.” He passed around his reworked iced tea.

“Hey I resent that,” Dean stated. “I have plenty of men who want to share my bed. I don’t have to chase down straight guys who don’t want to. Nothing happened. The end.”

Balthazar started pouring.

“Fine, get hammered," Cas surrendered. "But why can’t Sam sleep with Dean?”

“Bed’s too short.” Sam answered. “My feet hang off the end. I’m a giant freak.” 

Perfect, Cas thought, as he picked up the pitcher to pour his drink. Gabriel leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Do you think that’s wise, given the sleeping arrangements?” Castiel just glared at him, but he noticed that Dean also declined the iced tea.

  

 

“Nighty-night, Cas” Gabriel gave him his pyjamas, and Balthazar handed him his teddy bear, and both of them shoved him towards Dean’s room. Yes, it could be argued that he slept there before, and nothing happened, but that was before he knew how good Dean felt against his body. Lying in a bed in the dark had a way of removing inhibitions.

He brushed his teeth and changed, and made his way to the bedroom. The room was dim, lit by just the bedside lamp on Dean’s side of the bed. Dean was on the bed, checking his laptop. Seemed to be his nightly ritual. He looked up when Cas hesitated at the door.

“Am I gonna have to explain to you how it is perfectly safe for you to sleep in this bed, _again_?” Dean asked, putting away his laptop. It might have been a joke, but there was no humour in his voice.

“Well, you’re not wearing a shirt, _again_ , so you might.” Cas said, trying to keep his tone light, as he got into bed.

Dean smirked and said, “I thought you liked me better this way,” and then reached over and turned out the light.

_Direct hit,_ Cas thought, as he felt the hot flush of his cheeks turning pink. “Dean, I am mortified by my behaviour.”

“No, Cas, I’m sorry. That was a low blow. You’re not the first guy to grope me in the dark, just the last guy I expected to.”

_Another hit._ “Um, I seem to recall that you were an active participant. You weren’t exactly hog tied last night.”

Silence.

Cas laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

“So you made another date with April?”

He turned his head to the side to look at Dean. So he did hear his phone call. “Yes.” 

Dean turned his head to look at Cas. “That’s good, she’s a nice girl. You two make a cute couple.” 

Dean kept talking about something, spending more time on their workout tomorrow since they already did the shopping or something, Cas wasn't listening. It was a warm evening and Dean had only pulled the sheet up to his waist. Bathed in moonlight, Dean’s skin had a golden glow. 

“Cas? Are you even listening to me.” 

Cas met Dean’s questioning eyes with his own. He opened his mouth to speak, but he found he had no words to say. Dean reached out, caught Cas’s face in his hands, and cold sober, kissed him. And cold sober, Cas kissed him back.

Dean pulled away immediately. “Cas?” he whispered. 

Cas pulled him back into the kiss, this time his tongue explored Dean, tasting him, while his hands were splayed across Dean’s firm, smooth chest, he could feel his heart beat, feel the acceleration. Dean’s hands slid to the back of his head, and his neck, pulling him closer, deeper, and then, they moved to his shoulders, and pushed him back. 

“No. Not again.” 

“Dean… ”

“No. I don’t… I can’t… You are going out with April. You just made another date with her today!” 

“I know. I’m just… confused. I like April, I do, but it feels like everything I do, I have to think about it, everything has to be choreographed, Eat, talk, laugh, smile, eat, laugh, hold hands, talk. It’s exhausting. When I’m with you, everything just comes naturally. Everything just feels comfortable. What if-” 

“Whoa! Slow down. That’s because you’ve known me for most of your life. We’ve gone through life’s most embarrassing moments together, including this one. I love you as much as I love my own brother. You know all my secrets. I thought I knew all of yours. Being with me is comfortable because it’s familiar. That doesn’t make us more than best friends.”

“Best friends who make out occasionally?” Cas huffed, lying back on the bed. 

“Well, there is that." Dean chuckled. "But these are not typical circumstances. You’ve had a major emotional upheaval. Someone you trusted deceived you and broke your heart. It makes sense that you would want to feel safe again. I make you feel safe,’ Dean put his arm around Cas’s shoulder. “And I’m glad I make you feel safe. But that doesn’t make it love.”

Cas put his head on Dean’s shoulder, and slid his arm across his chest.

“What the hell, Cas?” 

“I need to feel safe,” he said, sounding sleepy.

“This is not going to be a thing we do, is it Cas?” Dean growled.

“I’ll let you know,” Cas replied, drifting off to sleep.

  

 

Balthazar looked at the boxes with disdain. “Cereal? Really. Cas, I can see your waffle iron right there. Why am I getting cereal?”

“The waffle iron is out because I made waffles for breakfast for Dean yesterday. I’m not making you waffles.”

“Oh, so Dean gets waffles, and I get cereal and fruit.” He gestured disdainfully at the bowl of grapes, apples and bananas in the centre of the table

Gabriel walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. “Trust me, Balty. You don’t wanna know what Dean had to do to get those waffles.”

Cas scowled at Gabriel over his coffee cup. “Seriously?”

Balthazar grinned at his brother. “Oh, maybe I do. I sense gossip. I thought I felt a little tension last night. Was is sexual tension, Cassie?”

Gabriel reached for the Corn Pops. “Chill, Balthazar. Cas, where’s the ball and chain?”

“Dean and Sam are out looking at a car Sam is considering,” Cas said, getting Gabriel a bowl. 

Gabriel waved off the bowl, and continued eating the cereal out of the box. “What are you going to do about what we discussed?”

“Excuse me,” Balthazar interrupted. “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

Gabriel turned to Balthazar and smiled. “Yeah.” Then he turned back to his youngest brother. “Well? Did a good nights sleep help to clear things up?”

Cas looked at Balthazar. “Will an omelette shut you up?” Balthazar clapped, and Cas walked over to the refrigerator. “Gabriel, do you really think I got a good night’s sleep? Under the circumstances. You know, the ones you designed.”

Gabriel chuckled. “Well, you look too well rested for anything really interesting to have happened.”

Balthazar looked at Gabriel, and then Cas. “You know, this is starting to sound a lot like-”

“Our baby brother has been messing around with his best friend. Messing around in the good way.”

“Oh, well done Cas. Dean is an excellent specimen.”

“Yes, but he’s also dating a girl.” Gabriel reminded him.

“I fail to see the problem.”

“He needs to choose one.”

Balthazar took some grapes out of the bowl. “Nope. You lost me.” 

Gabriel grinned. “Well, we’re not all as open minded as you.” He crammed more cereal in his mouth, chewed, and continued. “The girl doesn’t know.” 

“Oh, Cas, no. I can’t approve of that. Only fully informed consenting adults.”

Cas turned away from the ham he was chopping on the cutting board, and waved his knife menacingly at his brothers. Gabriel threw Corn Pops at him. 

“Dean is an out and proud gay man. I don’t think he would want to be someone’s secret piece on the side. So if you are going down this road, be sure you understand what it entails.”

Cas started the omelette in the pan. “I thought you were the advocate for if it feels good, do it.”

“Oh, it feels good. It feels very, very good,” Balthazar purred.

“Grown ups talking now. Quiet you.” Gabriel looked at Cas. “You won’t just be screwing with Dean’s body. You’ll be screwing with his heart. He loves you too much to ever deny you. But I don’t.”

The door opened and Dean and Sam walked in. “Something smells good. Hey Sam, we’re just in time for breakfast! Cas is making omelettes.”

Balthazar whispered, “Hubby’s home.” 

Gabriel threw Corn Pops at him.

Cas looked at Gabriel. "You're gonna be sweeping those up, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I do angst again? I think so. I liked playing with Gabriel and Balthazar. I think they pick on Cas in true big brother fashion. In my mind, Gabriel has always been the Trickster, he likes to have fun and mess with people, but he cares, he has a sense of morality and fair play, and he's serious when he needs to be. Balthazar is hedonism personified. I'm just sorry they never were on the show together, because that would have been epic.


	12. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has some alone time with April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is that song by Sixpence None the Richer. I've always interpreted that song as a girl waiting for a guy to just kiss her already. Short chapter, but it seemed like a good place to stop, and I think you'll like it.

Castiel was relaxing on a lounger in the back yard after cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Dean came out and handed him a beer. “See how I brought two, Cas.” They both laughed as Cas swatted Dean on the thigh. Dean sat down in the other lounger. “I’m going away next weekend. Sammy’s getting the little VW camper van we were looking at this morning. Engine is in great shape, and Sam is dying to go fishing. I actually enjoy fishing, so I am game. Do you like fishing, Cas?”

“I despise fishing, Dean.” 

“I thought you might. So this would be a good weekend for you to invite yournon girlfriend over. You could make her dinner, watch a movie, whatever, and you would have complete privacy. We’re heading out Friday right after work, and not coming back until late Sunday.” Dean stated leaning back.  

“Okay, Dean. I can do that, if that’s what you want.” Cas said, looking over at Dean. 

“Cas, it’s what I need. It’s what we both need.” 

Cas finished his beer, and then went inside to call April.

 

 

Cas and April sat on the floor in front of the massive TV. He had originally planned to make her dinner, but that seemed too formal, so he ordered pizza and chilled some wine. There was, of course a huge library of romantic comedy DVDs, and Cas let April choose. She had chosen Sense and Sensibility, stating that she had a weakness for Hugh Grant. Cas hid his smile thinking she and Dean had a lot in common. 

As the credits rolled after dinner, Cas told her to pick something else while he went up to the kitchen to get dessert. He came back with his homemade cherry cheesecake, one plate, two forks. April had put on an old black and white movie. As the film came up, he realized that it was Shop Around the Corner. 

“Where did you find this?” Cas asked, staring at the screen.

“I found it by accident. It was between the armrest and the seat cushion, almost hidden. It must have fallen down.” April replied. Cas was touched. Dean must have bought it after he told him about it. “You know, this is the movie that crappy You’ve Got Mail” was a remake of.”

Cas’s head whipped around. “How did you know that?” 

“Film studies. I’m taking a class on old movies. I love old classics like this.” April took a bite of the cheesecake. “Oh my god, Cas. This is amazing. Did you really make this?”

Cas found himself looking at April with fresh eyes. She wasn’t just a pretty girl. The way she had thought to put up the bumper lanes at the bowling alley was fun, her skill in her performance, she was talented, she liked his favourite dessert and complimented him on it, she was thoughtful, and she loved old movies, she had good taste. Maybe she could be comfortable too.

Cas sat back on the sofa with the cheesecake. April scooted back next to him. When they finished dessert, he put the plate on the side table, and put his arms along the backrest of the sofa. April leaned in on his shoulder, and he let his arm fall to her shoulders. Wow. Just like all those 60s movies and TV shows. Cas said a silent prayer thanking young Cas for all those hours after school watching Brady Bunch and Happy Days.

April was so sweet. She even got a little weepy when the movie got sad. Cas chuckled, and she swatted him on the chest. “I’m sentimental. Don’t judge me,” she scolded. He just hugged her closer. 

As the movie ended, and the next one started, April turned to him. “Cas, we’re here alone, we’re watching romantic movies, the lights are dim, and you have your arm around me. I think there is only one thing missing.”

Cas was genuinely surprised. “What?” he asked. 

She leaned forward put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. Having been hyper aware of their bodies touching for the last 40 minutes, Cas immediately put his other arm around her and pulled her closer. Remembering what he learned, he lightly brushed her lip with his tongue, and was still a little surprised when she parted her lips in response, pulled him closer and pressed her body against his.  

He pulled back a little, and she broke the kiss, looking worried. Eyes wide, she bit her lower lip and asked, “Too aggressive?” 

Cas shook his head and said, “No, just a little surprising. You look so sweet and innocent.” 

And then he watched as her eyes narrowed, and she took on a wicked grin. “Yeah. I've got everybody fooled.” And she pushed him back on the sofa and straddled his torso. She pulled the ribbon from her hair, and her auburn tresses tumbled down over her shoulders. Leaning in, she placed tiny kisses along Castiel’s jawline, working her way down to his neck. Her tiny fingers worked the buttons on his shirt, and simultaneously tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans. 

 _So I shouldn’t worry about taking things slow with April_ , Cas thought, and his brain scrambled to catch up with what was going on. He reached down to take her face in his hands, and bring her lips back up to his. He claimed her mouth, and went slow. He held her head with one hand, and caressed her face with the other. He explored her mouth with his tongue. Her lips were soft but firm and he was sure he'd be bruised in the morning. They already felt swollen. She tangled her tongue with his before she pulled back to bite his lip and then Cas put his hands on her shoulders to push her back. 

She gave him that wide eyed innocent look again. 

“April, do you have a curfew?” He asked, breathless.

Looking confused, she shook her head no.

“Is there somewhere you need to be later tonight?” 

She shook her head again.

“Well then slow down and let me drive, okay?” Cas turned and flipped her so that she fell between the back of the sofa and him.

April giggled and looked up at the ceiling. “Sorry, but you were so scared to touch me, I thought you were never going to kiss me. And I have dreamt about this forever. I started working at the Roadhouse about 8 months ago, a week after my 21st birthday. You came in my first night on the job. I thought you had the prettiest eyes, and when you spoke, your voice was like liquid honey, sent actual shivers up and down my spine.” April sighed. “And then your girlfriend came in. Don’t think me a terrible person, but I did a little dance in the kitchen when she broke up with you.” 

Cas laughed and reached out to brush her hair out of her eyes. 

“Jo was laughing at me until she found out what happened. Then she rushed out to check on you.” 

Cas leaned in and kissed her neck, just below her earlobe. 

“I bribed other waitresses to let me wait on Dean when he came in and wasn’t in my station, just so I could ask him about you.” 

Cas caressed her cheek, and April turned her head to face him. “At first I tried to just seem concerned, because you were so sick that night. But then I asked if you were still broken up, and Dean busted me.” Cas kissed the corner of her mouth. “But he said he would help me out.”

“And he brought me in so I could ask for your number.” And he silenced her reply with his lips on hers. 

April sighedinto his mouth as Cas’s hands found their way to the buttons on her blouse.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this one, I really did. The first part was easy, Dean's giving Cas some space to really put some moves on this girl. But how to put those moves. I must have started and deleted the next part about three times. How was he going to get to kiss her. And then April, the little tart, asked me to let her make the first move. And all hell broke loose. Have faith in your characters, they will help you through.


	13. We Can Work It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's spiralling confusion continues.

Cas was watching the sunset in the hammock when Dean came back on Sunday night.

“How was your trip, Dean? Did you bring home anything slimy and smelly?” Cas asked.

“Just my laundry. It was ‘Catch and Release’ fishing, Cas. We don’t keep the fish.” Dean replied. His face was tanned, he had a few days worth of stubble, and his hair was very messy.

“I guess that makes it easier to lie about the big one that got away.” Cas smiled. Dean reached down and took Cas’s beer. “Hey!”

“You just never learn, do you?” Dean laughed, going to sit on the deck. “Sounds like you’ve had one or two already. This one’s almost done anyway.” Dean finished what was left.“How about you? Do anything exciting this weekend?”

“I was very nearly violated.” Cas exclaimed dramatically.

“That sounds exciting.” 

“Turns out sweet, innocent April, not so much. She threw me down and tore my clothes off.”

“Well that just sounds like an exaggeration…”

“Okay, she did take the time to undo the buttons first, but _then_ she tore my clothes off.”

“I have a stripper friend who can show you where to get tear away pants." Dean winked at him. "April might have fun with those.”

“She sat on me, and tried to have her wanton way with me.”

“So you had a good time.” Dean chuckled.

“It was illuminating.” Cas replied.

“That’s an odd response.”

“I’m an odd man.”

“No argument there.” Dean threw his hands up. “Did you eat?”

“Yes, but I left you a cold plate in the fridge.” Cas answered, climbing out of the hammock, and walking back towards the house. Dean followed.

Cas took two more beers out of the fridge along with the plate he’d made up for Dean, and both men sat at the table.

“So?” Dean asked.

“So what?” Cas replied. “Oh, you want to know if I had a sleepover. Dean,” Cas shook his head. “That’s personal. You don’t want me to sully a young woman’s reputation, do you?” Cas stole some cold chicken off of Dean’s plate.

“Cas, you practically accused her of raping you. Consider her reputation sullied. But you didn’t answer the question. Couldn’t seal the deal, huh?” Dean said, grinning.

“Nice try, but that won’t work. I'm still not telling you.”

“So, are you a couple now?”

“A couple of whats?”

“You are such an annoying drunk,” Dean sighed. “Can someone call her your girlfriend without getting their head taken off?”

“I don’t know Dean. I’m not comfortable with labels.”

“You’re “not comfortable” with labels.” Dean pushed his plate away, downed the rest of his beer, and got up from the table. “You wanna know who is comfortable with labels, Cas? Everybody else.” Dean got another beer from the fridge and went to his room. He didn’t slam the door, but the message was still loud and clear.

Cas took his beer, and went outside to finish watching the sunset. 

 

When it was too cold to be outside anymore, Cas came back inside, went into the kitchen for a moment and headed down to the rec room. Dean was on the sofa channel surfing. He had showered and shaved, and was dressed in pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt. Cas stood next to him. 

“What?” Dean asked, irritated. 

“Peace offering,” he replied, holding out a plate with cheesecake on it.

“Pie would have been better.”

“You’re welcome.” 

Dean took the plate. “You may sit.”

“What are we watching?” 

“Nothing yet. Nothing but karaoke idols, and dancing with the C listers. I’m waiting to see if the movie after this crap is any good.” 

Cas curled his feet under him and hugged his arms. “Are you alright?” Dean asked him.

“I’m fine, just got a bit of a chill outside.” Cas leaned back against the sofa.

Dean tasted his dessert. “Cas, this may just change my mind about pie.”

Cas closed his eyes and smiled. He was suddenly tired. Maybe what they say about drinking beer in the sun was true. 

“Cool, it’s the latest Bond flick. I missed it in the theatres,” Dean said as the movie started.

Cas tried to focus on the film, but really, he believed that any Bond other than Sean Connery was sub standard, and the beer was making him really sleepy. He thought he should probably head upstairs, but his body just felt too heavy to move. His head fell to the side, and the rest of him followed and he was leaning on Dean. Dean spoke to him, and he answered, or maybe he just dreamed he did, but then he was falling, and he felt his head cushion on something soft and warm. He was in that disturbing place between awake and asleep, and he couldn’t determine what was real, and he tried to speak but he knew he wasn’t making sense. Someone told him to stop talking, and a hand carded through his hair and caressed his cheek, and he just let himself drift.

He wasn’t sure how much later it was, but he heard Dean’s voice, telling him it was time to get up. He opened his eyes, and saw Dean, smiling over him. He had been sleeping in Dean’s lap. Did he dream it, or was it Dean’s hand caressing him as he fell asleep?

“Hey sleepyhead. Time to get up. What’s say we get you to a real bed, my friend? You have work in the morning.”

In his sleepy haze, Cas reached up and put his arms around Dean pulling him down to a gentle kiss. At first Dean responded, but then he resisted, and finally pulled away. “ No Cas.  I don’t do FWB, especially with someone who has a girlfriend, even if he doesn’t want to call her that.” Dean pushed Cas upright, and headed up to bed. “I won’t be home for dinner tomorrow night,” he said over his shoulder. “I have a date.”

Cas dragged himself upstairs and brushed his teeth and got ready for bed. What the hell was wrong with him? He decided he couldn’t figure this out on his own, but the person he would have talked to about this was Dean. He reached for the phone and texted the only other person he could talk to about this.

“ _Hey, can we have dinner tomorrow night?”_ And waited for the reply.

_“Sure. I’ll pick you up at your office around 6.”_

Cas sighed and went to sleep.

 

“Oh come on, not here,” Cas exclaimed as they turned into the parking lot of the Roadhouse.

“Why not?” Gabriel replied. “This way we can kill two birds with one stone. I’d like to get a look at your new girlfriend, and see if she is as cute as your old boyfriend.” He laughed at his joke as he parked and they headed for the entrance. As soon as they went inside, he wanted to go back out. There was Balthazar seated at a large booth and waving to them. 

“Yoohoo, boys! Over here!” 

“Seriously?” Cas looked at his brother. “You invited Balthazar? I told you I had something very serious I wanted to talk to you about.” 

“Well Balty can be very insightful when he’s in the right frame of mind, and you know he doesn’t judge. He loves you.” Gabriel offered. “And he wanted a look at the new squeeze too. C’mon Cas, we were always gonna come here and check her out. Isn’t it better that you are here to save her from us.”

Cas had to admit, they would be better behaved if he was here. Reluctantly he allowed Gabriel to drag him over to the table. Cas took a seat next to Balthazar so that he would be able to see if April approached their table. With any luck, this wouldn’t be her station. 

Balthazar grabbed his arm as soon as he sat down. “Oh Cassie, I saw your girl. She’s just lovely. Simply marvellous. I made sure they seated us in her section.” 

Cas rolled his eyes. _Perfect_ , he thought.

“Oh, Cas. You knew we were going to do that much at least. Balthazar, remember to do a confusing special order so we can see if she gets them right,” Gabriel instructed. “Now, which one is she?”

“The one in the white blouse.” Cas pouted.

"Oh, ha ha, very funny. Gaby, she’s the one in the short skirt with the cute ponytail. Wave her over.”

April scooted over to their table. “Hey Cas. These handsome fellows can only be your brothers. I've heard so much about you.”

“She certainly knows how to kiss ass.” Gabriel laughed.

April narrowed her eyes, and looked at him.“Calling it like he sees it." She smile, and wrinkled her nose most adorably. "You’re Gabriel.” she said pointing at him. 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “I may have underestimated you,” he said, sipping from his water glass. 

Balthazar was sizing her up. “She’s spunky. I like her.” 

“And you’re picturing me naked, so you must be Balthazar,” she deadpanned.

Gabriel did a spit take across the table, and Cas covered his face, his shoulders shaking with laughter. What had he ever been worried about? April could handle his obnoxious brothers without his help. He lifted his head to see Balthazar’s reaction. His brother simply shrugged. “She’s not wrong.”

"She really has heard about us." Gabriel said, drying off his shirt.

April took their orders and brought out their drinks, and then scampered off to serve her other customers.

Gabriel watched her leave. “Nice tush. And I am willing to bet that skirt earns her tuition all on it’s own.” He turned back to Castiel. “You scored a real hottie there. Don’t know what she sees in you. Wonder if she’s into older guys.” He joked, smoothing back his unruly wavy mane.

Cas smiled sadly.

Gabriel got serious quickly. “What’s wrong, little bro?”

“She is perfect, isn’t she?” he asked.

“She's pretty, and she’s fun, but we’ve only spent 5 minutes with her. Hardly enough to form an informed opinion.” 

“No, she is fun, and funny, and talented, and smart, and just amazing.”

“Is she frigid?” Balthazar asked. Cas smacked him on the arm, and Gabriel threw sugar packets at him. “What? It’s the only thing he didn’t mention. It’s a valid question.”

“No, I wasn’t moving fast enough for her on our date on Saturday, so she pinned me down and had her way with me. I suspect April may have more experience than me.”

Gabriel tilted his head and looked at him quizzically. "You were with Anna for years."

"Yeah, well, Anna wasn't exactly adventurous. She liked what she liked, and she didn't want to try new things."

Balthazar gave Gabriel a look, and Gabriel shook his head, subtly. Balthazar sat up straight, and cleared his throat. Gabriel tried to shake him off. Finally Balthazar put out his hand and said, "Pay up right now!"

Gabriel pulled a twenty out of his wallet and threw it at Balthazar. Cas just looked at them in disbelief. "Tell me you're joking."

Balthazar smiled at him sheepishly. "I had a hunch."

Cas shook his head. "You're evil. Shut up. She's bringing our food." Cas forced a smile as April approached the table.

"Here we go. Sweet glazed ribs for Gabriel, Chef's salad with no onion, no radish, shredded carrots, extra cheese, and tomato and dressing on the side for Mr. Picky, and bacon cheeseburger and fries for my angel." She put her hand on Cas's shoulder and smiled.

"Angel?" Gabriel looked up from his meal.

"Sure, Castiel. That's an angel's name, right? Angel of Thursday. "

"Honey, did you think Gabriel and Balthazar were two of the Three Stooges? We're angels too." Gabriel smirked.

"Well sure, but you're not _my_ angels."

Balthazar poured his dressing on his salad. "That can be negotiated," he said, giving April a wicked grin.

Cas patted the hand on his shoulder. "You should leave while I murder my brothers," he told her.

“So are we here so you can brag?” Gabriel said, after April was out of earshot. “Do you like her?”

“I guess.” 

“So why are you unhappy?” Gabriel pushed.

“Because he likes Dean more.” Balthazar purred.

“What?” Cas exclaimed.

“Judgement free zone, Cassie. Just say it. You want Dean.”

“That’s impossible!” 

“Why?” Balthazar asked.

“Because I’m straight.” Cas replied incredulous.

“You _were_ straight,” Balthazar countered. “But you kissed a boy and you liked it. Now you’re bent. What’s the big deal? Dean is also pretty, fun, smart, and I’ll bet he’s talented too.” Balthazar’s eyes were twinkling. “You always have these non problem problems.”

“I don’t think I’m gay. Or bi.” Cas protested.

Gabriel leaned forward. “Do you have to be? It’s not like it would be tattooed on your forehead. You just take a walk on the wild side. See if it works for you.”

“Dean said labels matter.” Cas sighed.

“Dean said? That doesn’t sound like Dean.”

“No, he asked me if April was my girlfriend, and I said I was uncomfortable with labels, and he said -”

“Stop! He wasn’t talking about gay or straight. He was taking about labels like  ‘girlfriend’ and ‘relationship’. I told you before, Dean Winchester is not someone’s dirty secret. You are making out with both of them, am I correct?” Gabriel asked.

“Little bit.” Cas admitted.

“What does that mean?”

“It means April is up for anything dirty, and Dean keeps shutting me down before we can get to anything good.” 

“Wait a minute. Dean keeps shutting _you_ down?” Balthazar asked. Cas nodded. “So you initiate, and Dean pushes _you_ away?” Cas nodded again. “And you still think you’re straight? What rubbish. Straight men are not attracted to other men.”

“But I’m not attracted to other men. I’m only attracted to Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated this. This is my least favourite. Be brutally honest, I need it.


	14. My Dinner With Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued conversation between angel brothers over dinner.

“What do you mean, you’re only attracted to Dean?” Balthazar asked.

“Which part of my sentence is giving you difficulty?” Cas snarked back.

“How do you know you’re only attracted to Dean? Have you kissed a lot of boys?” Gabriel chuckled.

Cas picked up his burger and took a really huge bite instead of answering. Balthazar raised an eyebrow. “I think that was a classic deflection. Cas? Have you been out kissing boys?”

“Can’t talk, eating.” Cas mumbled around his mouthful.

“Did you invite us here to talk, or to avoid this?” Gabriel asked, taking his burger away.

Cas swallowed. “Alright. April and I didn’t have a sleepover on Saturday. We did some heavy petting, but I told her I thought we should slow down, and I used the “Just got out of a bad relationship” line, and I went out by myself. To a club.”

“A _gay_ club?”

“Dean took me there once. Apparently I’m pretty cute. The bartender remembered me.” Cas stopped and looked at Balthazar who was stealing his food. “Why do you order salad? You always end up eating my fries.”

“Because then I don’ t have to pay for them. Go on with your story.”

“Well, it wasn’t hard to find a guy who I thought was attractive, who was interested in me too. He even sort of looked like Dean, I mean they all sort of do, it’s a room full of hard bodies, and he had the same hair, but his eyes weren’t as green, and I could almost pretend it was him. We were sort of in a dark corner, and he kissed me.”

“Holy shit!” Gabriel exclaimed. “Dude that’s …”

“Huge, I know. I tried to imagine that he was Dean, that it was like kissing Dean, but it just wasn’t the same. And then he grabbed my ass and I lost it.”

Gabriel and Balthazar both doubled over laughing. 

Cas grabbed a fry before his brother got it. “Yeah, funny. I told him I was trying to forget someone, but I just wasn’t ready, so I bought him a drink, and got the hell out of Dodge." Gabriel and Balthazar laughed harder. " When I go to the gym with Dean, I’ve checked a few guys out. I tried to be discreet, but I think I’m gonna have to change gyms.” Cas sounded distressed.

“Why? Some of the guys getting upset?” Gabriel asked, chewing on a rib.

“No. Somebody slipped me his number.” Cas blushed as his brother’s laughed again. 

“The thing is, when I was with Anna in college, we were at a dorm party, and this really cute girl, I think her name was Meg, came on to me. She looked amazing, really sexy in a black leather dominatrix kinda way. She got me alone in her room, and well…”

“Go Cas!” Balthazar cheered.

Gabriel dropped his rib. “You cheated on Anna.”

“No," Cas shook his head. "I don’t see it that way. Everyone assumes that Anna was my first, and I’ve never bothered to correct them. When we were together, it sounded romantic. But Anna was something of a prude. She and I didn’t sleep together until we moved in together. Meg was my first.”

“Details,” Balthazar requested.

"It was kinda weird. She wanted me to spank her and kept calling me "Clarence."

"Kinky," Gabriel remarked.

“I’m trying to make a point. I get turned on by women I’m not emotionally involved with. I read the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and my pants get too tight. I could have had April sleep over on Saturday night, and if I hadn’t been so conflicted about Dean, I would have let her. But I was in a room full of really hot guys -”

“Excuse me, hot guys?”

“Yes, Balthazar. I can say that I know why women love Chris Hemsworth. He’s a very attractive man. He does nothing for me. Just like being in a room full of hot guys, hot and willing guys, and I felt nothing… except a lot of sweating half naked men rubbing on me.”

Balthazar sipped his wine. “Sounds just like my Saturday night,” he replied, and grinned.

“Anyway, I just went home and fell in bed. I figured it was a passing thing, and I would get over it. the next day, I just drank myself silly. Bad idea.”

“And why is that?” Gabriel asked, picking up the dessert menu on the table.

“Because Dean came home from a weekend of fishing. He looked really rugged and tan, and his face was all stubble and he smelled like the woods. I thought I was gonna lose my mind.”

“Oh Outdoorsy Dean. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it. Speaking of, Gabriel, do you want to split the Death by Chocolate?”

Gabriel looked at him like he was cracked. “Split. You mean like _share_ it. Uh, have we met?” He turned to Cas. “So? Something happened yesterday?”

“Yeah, he showered, and he must have used that Sandlewood soap, because he smelled so good, and long story short, I kissed him again.”

“No, dude! You gotta stop that.” Gabriel warned, waving for April. “I told you that is not fair.”

“You boys getting dessert?”

“Yes, I would like Death By Chocolate, but my brother would only like to be maimed by chocolate-“

“Yes, but if you could switch out the chocolate ice cream for vanilla, and put the chocolate sauce on the side, and no whipped cream because I’m on a diet, and give the cherry to Gaby, that would be great. Thanks sweetie,” Balthazar interrupted.

“What about you Cas? Although I don’t think our cheesecake is as memorable as yours.” April said suggestively.

Cas blushed and ducked his head down. “Just the berry crumble, please. Heated with half a scoop of vanilla.”

“I’ll get right on that for you.” April headed off to the kitchen.

"I didn't understand the cheesecake reference. Is that some sex thing you two do?" Balthazar asked.

Cas waved him off, irritated. "No, it's just-"

Gabriel shook his head. “Does anyone else besides me think it’s weird that we’re discussing Cas’s homosexual tendencies in the restaurant where his girlfriend is working, and that she’s serving us during the conversation?”

“It has been surreal, thank you for asking.”

“And you need to stop kissing your roommate. I told you to cut that shit out the first time. How did it end this time?”

“Dean stopped it.”

“Cas, I told you, he has real feelings for you. One of these days you will push him too far, and then what? When you both get carried away, and Dean let’s you ‘experiment’ with him, and the next day it’s awkward, and then Balthazar and I will have to help you move again.”

“Cassie, if Gabriel is right, then you really shouldn’t play with Dean’s heart. Fuck all the strangers you like, the stranger the better, but don’t hurt your friend.” Balthazar looked up and nodded. “Excellent, just in time.”

Castiel turned to see April bringing the dessert. “Hey, we’re starting karaoke in a few minutes. Are you gentlemen gonna stick around and be part of our show?”

“Karaoke!” Gabriel exclaimed. “Hold me back. One of you boys is doing a duet with me. Or we could do a Brothers Gibb sort of threesome.” He raced off to find the song menu.

“I know you hate labels, Cas, but I think you have to consider that there might be one label that describes your relationship with Dean perfectly. You are in love with him.” And with that, Balthazar, Heaven’s least romantic angel, went off to find the karaoke menu with Gabriel.

 

Gabriel decided it was time to call it a night after Balthazar regaled the crowd with his rendition of “My Heart Will Go On” and gave Cas a ride home.

“Hey little bro, get a good night’s sleep.”

“Gabriel, what would  you do, if you were me?” Cas asked, looking at the house. It was dark, so Dean probably wasn’t back yet. It was late. He wondered if he was staying out for the night.

“Honestly, me?” Cas nodded. Gabe sighed. “April seems like a very nice girl. But I’m sucker for anyone willing to belt out karaoke like that.” He smiled. “Go, sleep. Things will look better in the morning. Call me if you need to, Cas. You know I’m always there for you.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

Cas got out of the car and went inside. It was pretty late, so he decided he should just go to bed.

As he laid in the dark, he tried to understand what exactly was going on. Sure, when he first broke up with Anna, correction, had been unceremoniously dumped, after being cheated on, he had needed comfort, and Dean had been comforting. And when he had been unsure of himself, Dean had helped to build his confidence, and offered guidance. Hell, Dean had held him together through the worst experience of his adult life. He had been there from the beginning, found Castiel shattered and helped him put the pieces back together. So he was grateful, sure. 

But now he had April, and he felt good about her. Maybe he had just needed Dean to help him get him to the point where he could face the world again. Cas turned on his side, staring out at the moon. Never did get those curtains. He fell asleep counting the stars.

 

Cas was just getting out of the shower in the morning when he heard Dean’s car pull up. Dean was just coming in as Cas left the bathroom. Dean looked a little sheepish as he went to his room in yesterday’s clothes, and closed the door.

I guess I no longer have a decision to make, Cas thought, and headed to his room to finish get ready for work.


	15. Oops, I Did It Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long awaited last chapter, right?

_IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis._ Castiel willed his brain to stop the loop as he made dinner that night, waiting for Dean to come home. But despite his determination, he was still tempted to run to his room as soon as he heard Dean’s car pull into the garage. _IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis_ started up again. He just kept calmly stirring the ground beef in the pan, and focussed on breathing. 

“Hey Cas,” Dean called out as he entered. “Smells good in here.” He hung up his coat before entering the kitchen. “Wow, you’re really going to town,” he said, eyeing all the work laid out on the kitchen counters. Diced tomatoes, chopped onions, crushed garlic. 

“Homemade spaghetti sauce,” Cas explained. “It’s a lot of work, so I make a large batch at one time and store it in smaller containers so you can just heat it ready made. I hate the store stuff, never found one that suited my taste. Beside, you need to slow cook it for the spices to really get in there.” He realized he was talking too much as he nodded to the crock pot. He scooped up his tomatoes and onions and dropped them into the pot, then ran his hands under the tap.

“Well I guess I don’t have to ask what’s for dinner tonight.” Dean lifted the lid to get a better scent.

Castiel laughed nervously. “If you plan on having dinner at 2am, yeah, but if you want to eat before then, not a great plan.”

“What?” 

“Dean, this is on slow cook. It will be at least 8 hours before it’s ready.” Cas said, turning off the stove and taking the frying pan to the crock pot.

“Cas, you’ve taken over the kitchen. I can’t even cook anything else if I want to. And then you tell me we can’t eat this?”

“Relax,” Cas replied, I prepared burgers, and a salad before I started this. They’re on a plate in the fridge. Just throw them on the grill. Now lift this lid for me so I can add the beef and then I’ll clean up while you get the barbecue ready.” 

Cas finished up in the kitchen, then prepared the tray for outside, plates, cups, salad and a pitcher of lemonade, and took it to the table on the deck. “It’s such a nice day, I thought we could eat out here.” 

“We have to eat out here. Can’t see how I’m supposed to be satisfied with a burger while the smell of that sauce is all over the house.” Dean had put some bacon on a cookie sheet on the grill and cheese on two of the burgers.

Cas poured two glasses of lemonade, and took one to Dean, who grinned. “You’re learning.”  

Cas just smiled. As he sat down at the table he tried to relax. _IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis_ played in his head. He decided to make it his mantra. 

“You got home rather late. Or should I say early? I assume your date went well.” He tried to sound casual, as he set the table.

There was an awkward silence, and then Dean said. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Michael again?” _IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis._  

“Yeah. I decided to give him another chance.” Dean stared at the burgers on the grill. “I think these are ready, Cas. You wanna bring the plate?” 

Cas brought the plate and Dean loaded the burgers on. He put it in the centre of the table and both men sat to eat. 

“What made you change your mind?” Cas queried, fixing his burger the way he liked it.

“I thought about it, and I realised that the problem wasn’t the men I was dating, the problem was me. You ever have a picture in you head of the ideal person?” Cas nodded. “I did too. My dream man. I thought I met the ideal person for me. But things didn’t happen the way I thought they would, and it didn’t work out.” Dean laughed. “You know me, King of the Romcoms. I thought I’d find someone like him. But every man was lacking something. Too tall, too short, wrong hair, wrong eyes, not funny like him, not sweet like him, not…” His voice trailed off, and he looked sad. “Not him. Anyway, it’s time to give up on that dream. I need to find a real man, not a dream man. And Michael is real, and very nice. I like his vinyl collection, we like the same books, and now he is turning me into a wine connoisseur.”

_IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis._ “So, when do I get to meet your boyfriend?”

“I never said he was my boyfriend.” Dean said, biting into his burger. 

“Oh. I guess I just assumed since you stayed the night that… You said you didn’t do casual so…”

“I don’t." Dean was about to bite into his burger again and then paused. "God Cas, you go all top secret on you and April, but you need full disclosure on my personal life? You assume that since I spent the night at Michael’s that I had sex with him. Is that what you’re trying to discern?” Dean looked at him. Cas tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. “Cas, that’s personal. You don’t want me to sully a gentleman’s reputation, do you?” 

“Fair point.” Cas acknowledged, and they finished the meal in silence. 

As they cleaned up after dinner Dean looked at Cas. “Dude, when was the last time you hit the gym?” 

“I only go with you.” Cas replied. 

“That is too long. Far too many burgers and way too much cheesecake in between. Get your gear together. Your body still isn’t summer ready.” Dean shook his head as he put away condiments in the fridge. 

Cas started the dishwasher. “Okay, but, can we not go to the one on Main.” 

“Sure there’s a location on Bay that has a new steam room that I’m dying to try out. But why the change?” Dean asked.

“Just trust me.” Cas said, heading to his room.

 

As Dean drove home, Cas leaned back against the headrest with his eyes closed. Dean had worked him extra hard to make up for the slacking. 

“Dean. What was he like?” 

Dean kept his eyes on the road. “Hmm? What was who like, buddy?”

“Your ideal man. What was he like?” 

“Oh Cas. I don’t want to talk about that. Told you. The dream is done.” 

“That’s too bad, Dean. You shouldn’t have to give up your dream. What if he’s out there for you, somewhere?” 

“Cas, you sound like every other man _ever_. Always refusing to commit to the person you’re with because someone better could come along.”

“Why didn’t it work out with Mr. Wonderful?”

“We were incompatible. Can we just leave it at that?” Dean snapped.

“So no chance of a Romcom ending?”

“ _More Pretty in Pink_ , not so much _Notebook_.” Dean replied, pulling into the garage. 

Just as they were getting out, Dean turned to him. “Cas, I spent the night at Michael’s because I’d been drinking wine, and I didn’t feel safe to drive home.”

Cas bit his lip and said, “We can’t go back to that gym on Main because a guy slipped me his number.”

Dean grinned and got out of the car. “Yeah, I knew that. Totally saw it coming though. Dude you were checking him out. You were either gonna get punched or laid. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Cas said, running into the house. 

 

He headed straight for the shower. When he got out, he went to check the sauce, grabbed two bottles of water, then went downstairs. Dean was watching a movie. 

“What are we watching tonight? _Bridget Jones's Diary_?” He asked, sitting down and handing Dean his water.  

“Smart ass. No, although that would be a good choice, no. _Count of Monte Cristo_ , the newer version. I’ve never seen it.”

“Better book. I told you that in 10th grade.”

“Yeah, it probably is Cas, but we both know that I am more likely to watch the movie than read the book. That’s why you had to rewrite my book report,” Dean replied, punching him in the arm.

“Yes but Dumas is a classic, you really should read it.”Cas countered.

“Maybe we will watch _Bridget Jones's Diary_. At least you won’t be telling me it’s a better book than movie.” Dean glared at Cas. 

Cas just stared straight ahead. Then he said very quietly, “Actually…”     

“You read it?” Dean exclaimed.

Cas kept staring. “You should pay attention to the beginning, or you won’t understand what happens later on.” 

Dean just shook his head. “Can’t believe you read it.”

"Anna had it. She said it was funny. I had just finished _The Da Vinci Code_ and I needed something frothy." Cas settled in for the film.  

"Just stop talking now."

  

As the film came to is climatic finale, Dean was freaked. “Cas they aren’t watching the guy with the gun! Someone is going to get shot, and it’s always the wrong person!” He hid his face in Cas’s shoulder. 

Cas laughed. “You’re such a girl. Watch the damn movie.” The film came to an end, with happy endings for (almost) all, and with Dean still clutching Cas’s arm.

“That was intense.” He looked at Cas. “Maybe I will read the book.” He shook his head and laughed. "But probably not."

 

They headed upstairs. Cas brushed his teeth and was headed to his room. Then he saw the light under Dean’s bedroom door. It was time.

_IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis._ He knocked on Dean’s door.

“Enter,” Dean called. He was sitting on his bed, reading something on his laptop, the room dimly lit by the bedside lamp, as usual.

_IcandothisIcandothisIcandothis_. Cas sat at the end of the bed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Dean. You never did tell me about your ideal man. You deflected, but you didn’t answer.”

“Cas, why do you want to do this?” Dean asked as he closed his laptop and placed it on his bedside table. “Do you want to torture me, or yourself?”

“Do you want to know why I was checking out guys at the gym?” Cas asked, moving up on the bed. 

"Now who's deflecting?" Dean smirked. “I’ll admit I was curious.”

Cas tilted his head to one side, like he was looking for an answer. “I wanted to know if I liked men. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been staring at you all the time. Every time you take your shirt off, my brain melts. I almost fell off the deck trying to follow the trail of a drop of water making it’s way down your chest.”

Dean laughed quietly.

Cas continued. “So I started looking at guys at the gym, to see if their muscled, and toned abs did anything for me, but I wasn’t interested. And then, I had April, practically naked in my lap, couldn’t get us out of our clothes fast enough, and she was lovely and beautiful, but I knew that I wouldn’t, I couldn’t … seal the deal, as you are wont to say. So I went back to that club, after I took April home.” 

“You went back to Buddies? Alone?” Dean asked incredulous. 

“I thought maybe I should seek out male companionship. Maybe that’s where my interest lies. Looking wasn’t working, but I thought, when I… when we… kissed, I became … aroused, so I thought maybe, if I kissed a man again, I would feel something.”

“You cruised a gay club." Dean nodded. "Impressive.” 

Cas smiled shyly, and ducked his head, cheeks burning. “Yeah. I met a guy. I picked him out. He looked like you. I let him kiss me. Good kisser, actually. And he groped me a little. He looked _a lot_ like you. But he wasn’t. You.”

Dean turned to look at his friend. “Why?”

“I didn’t want to play with you. I didn’t want to hurt you. Gabriel said- “

“Gabriel said?” Dean jumped off the bed. “Oh hell! I guess he gets credit for keeping his mouth shut as long as he did, but goddammit!” 

Cas jumped to his knees. “Wait, no, Dean, don’t be angry, please! He’s my brother, and he was just trying to help me.”

“So he told you, didn’t he? Cas? Tell me the truth.” 

Cas looked down at his hands. “Yes. He told me that when we were younger he found you…”

“And was this before or after our kissing tutorial?” 

Cas hesitated. This was not going the way he planned it. “Uh, after, I guess… But Dean, you don’t understand -“

Dean looked down at Cas. “No I understand. I understand that the people in your family don’t know how to keep secrets. You were not supposed to talk to anyone about that, and you told Gabriel what, the next day! Should I assume Balthazar was also informed? Is that why we started swapping rooms like in a bad French farce?”

“No, he just wanted to get drunk. Gabe too. I’m sure Gabe hadn’t told him yet.” 

“Yet?” 

“Well you know my brothers. They share gossip.” Cas was getting flustered, and as soon as the word left his mouth, he knew it was a mistake.

Dean didn’t speak, and the silence was painful.

“Dean I - ”

“Gossip?” 

“But that’s not - ” 

“Don’t speak.” Dean looked out his window. “Get out of my room, Cas.”

Cas awkwardly scrambled off the bed and towards the door. Dean followed and slammed the door behind him. Cas very quietly went to his room, closed the door and sat down on the bed. 

 

_So that happened._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, not so much. Oh I had it all tied up with a pretty bow, and my beta reader disapproved of my ending. So I went to rewrite it, and found that it worked better if true love had to wait. Whatever else Dean is, he is a hothead, and his temper does get the best of him. And he hates broken promises.


	16. What Have I Done To Deserve This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this. And then I read it and hated it and deleted it. And then I rewrote it and was about to post it, and accidentally deleted it. And then I stopped screaming, and rewrote it.

Jo looked up as Castiel sat down at the bar. “April’s not working tonight,” She called out as she made her way down to his end. “Whoa!” she exclaimed as she got closer. “Buddy what happened to you? You look like you just lost your best friend.”

“I think I did. Pour please.”

“Cas what happened? Did you and Dean have a fight?” Jo asked as she put up the shot glass and poured Jack Daniels for him.

“Words were exchanged.” Cas downed his shot.

“Can I ask what it was about?”

“Better we don’t discuss it.” Cas replied. “But don’t let me get drunk like last time. He won’t come get me now.”

Jo poured him another drink. “Sip this then. I gotta take care of this college group at the end there, but I’ll be back.”

Cas sipped his drink. He had been up late cleaning up the sauce, and had slept later than usual. Dean was already gone when he left for work. Now he was afraid to go home. He decided to ignore Jo’s advice, and was shooting his drink when two hands covered his eyes, and a voice whispered in his ear, “Guess who?”

Cas choked on Jack (well that just sounds wrong, but I’m in a mood today), and went into a coughing fit. His stealth attacker turned out to be April, and she jumped behind the bar to get him some water.

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were drinking. Does it burn much?”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, April, it hurts like hell.” Cas was in no mood to be diplomatic.

She reached across the bar and held his hand. “I’m glad you’re here. I was going to call you and ask if I could see you tonight.”

“I thought you weren’t working tonight.”

“I’m not. I came in to check my schedule. Imagine my surprise and delight to see you here!" She frowned. "If you know I'm not working, why are you here? Is Dean with you?" She craned her neck, searching the bar.

Cas sighed. “No. Dean and I had a bit of a falling out, I'm afraid.” Cas shook his head, and laughed wryly. "Afraid, hah! I'm scared out of my mind. Not sure what to expect at home, so I'm avoiding it."

April smiled and squeezed his hand. “Hey! You two are besties. How bad can it be?”

Cas looked past her at the bottles lined up in front of the mirror. Finally he gave his head a shake and smiled. "You're right. I'm sure we'll work it out. Just don't want to get yelled at, I guess. You know how loud he gets." He looked April. "Are you busy tonight?"

April came around the bar and hugged him. “No, I’m free as a bird. What did you have planned?"

Cas bit on his bottom lip. "I sort of need to talk to you, but I don't think this is the place to do it."

"Sure. I just need to check my schedule."

"Okay. I'll wait for you outside." Cas stepped out and let the cold air sober him up. Ever since his breakup with Anna he had been adrift. Everyone else had been telling him where to live and who to date, and he had been content to let them. But it was time he started making his own decisions.

 

Cas stepped into the house and hung up his jacket. It was dark, and quiet, so he guessed Dean wasn't home. He headed over to the fridge and grabbed a beer, twisted off the top and swallowed half before pulling away to take a breath. Nudging the refrigerator closed with his foot, he ran his free hand over his face, and then pulled a chair away from the table so he could sit.  

He had taken April back to that little dessert place they had gone to on their first date. After the waitress brought their orders, April had looked up at Cas and asked "Are you breaking up with me?"

For the second time that night, April had sent Cas into a coughing fit, this time on coffee. She jumped up and ran to his side, holding out the water glass. He wave her back to her seat as he got his coughing under control. He cleared his throat and peered across the table at her. "What the hell?"

April just shook her head and said, "Honestly Cas, it just makes sense." She sipped her coffee, and then went on. "We look good on paper. We have similar interests, we like each others company, we make each other laugh. I feel really comfortable with you, but we have no chemistry."

Cas looked down at his hands, and then up again. "April, I don't know what to say. You're beautiful, and talented, smart, and just amazing. My friends like you, my brothers love you, and I do adore you, but you're right. I just don't feel it. I'm so relieved that you feel the same way."

April laughed. "I figured one of us had to say it first. I wanted it to be you. I didn't want you to feel like you'd been dumped again. But I was watching you when we ordered, and you were in agony about how to say it. I had to put you out of your misery."

"Thank you for that. See, we do get along well. Would it be terribly difficult for us to stay friends? Or is that too corny?" Cas felt pathetic asking.

"Oh Cas, I would enjoy that. We should make plans for another bowling night with Dean and Jo. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun." She giggled.

Cas smiled for April, but silently he considered that nights with Dean might not be a part of his future.

 

The evening that had started so terribly ended fairly well. Now he just had to weather Dean's wrath. Cas wondered where he could be so late. Cas looked around the kitchen. So far tonight he'd only had booze, coffee, and half of a pasty that he and April had shared. Should probably eat some food. He was pretty sure there was some leftover burgers and salad in the fridge. He got up to check, and as he did, he noticed a note that he'd previously missed from Dean held in place by a bumble bee fridge magnet. Apparently he had left, and would be staying with Sam for a few days. Cas decided he wasn't so hungry after all.

 

"Sam, please. It's been three days. I just wanna talk to him." Cas pleaded into the phone.

"Cas, I'm trying to tell you, he's not here," Sam sighed. "I promise you, if he were here, I'd make him talk to you. I think he's being a jerk."

"Did he tell you what happened?" Cas asked hesitantly.

"You mean about your heavy petting session on the sofa, and how you guys seem to have trouble keeping your hands to yourselves when you're alone? Yeah, it came up." Sam snapped. 

"I'm... sorry...I didn't mean..." Cas stammered.

"Okay, maybe that came out harsher than I meant it to. I just wanted you to understand that I know everything, so there's no need to be coy." Sam explained. "What's going on, Cas?"

"I don't know, Sam."

"I guess I've known you as long as Dean has, and while you and I weren't as close as you and he, I thought I knew you pretty well."

Cas considered that for a moment. "I'd like to think that's true."

"Then how come I've never noticed you being attracted to men before. I never got the impression that you played for both teams. And when Dean came out, you saw how supportive we all were and how we were there for him. You knew your friends would have your back if there was something you needed to tell us. But you didn't. So I'm finding this newly discovered bisexual side of you a little hard to come to terms with. And I'm not the only one who is having these doubts. You don't just turn gay overnight."

"Well, I don't think I have." Cas hesitated, but then went on. "Dean and I have always been close. We were almost inseparable when we were younger. We only grew apart when, turns out, I started dating a bitch." Cas sighed. "But even then, I missed him being a larger part of my life. Dean has always been very important to me. So I don't think I turned gay overnight. I think," Cas paused. "I think this isn't a conversation I need to have with you." Cas took a breath, then asked the question he was afraid to hear the answer to. "Where's Dean, Sam? Is he out with Michael?"

 

"Cas? Why are we doing this?" Gabriel asked.

"Well, you're here because you are my brother who loves me, and supports me, and because I needed a ride, and your tinted windows are perfect for surveillance. And I'm here because I need to talk to Dean. He won't talk to me on the phone, so I'll just wait for him to come back to Sam's..."

"And ambush him?" Gabriel offered.

"And **confront** him." Cas corrected. "We're adults, we need to have an adult conversation. I think he's blown this whole thing out of proportion."

"Maybe, but have you tried to see this from Dean's point of view?"

Cas turned away from Gabriel and leaned into the window, letting the glass cool his forehead while he watched Sam's driveway.

"He thinks I betrayed his trust." Gabriel continued. "This was a secret he kept for 10 years, Cas. He never told you, never hinted at it. You had no clue."

"Well maybe I should have." Cas huffed. "Maybe he should have told me. Maybe if I had known, things would have been different." He turned back to his brother. "We were friends. We shared everything, except the most important thing. I don't know what would have happened. I don't know how 14 or 15-year-old Castiel would have responded if his best friend had kissed him or told him that he cared for him. I might have been a little freaked out at first, sure, but maybe... maybe..."

Gabe leaned forward. "Maybe what?" he asked softly.

"Maybe I felt something too. Maybe I had questions that I didn't know the answers to."

"Cas?"

"I had always looked up to Dean. From the day we met, on the first day of kindergarten, I followed him around like, well, like a soldier following a general off to war. I always thought he was the strongest, the smartest, the bravest person I knew. I aspired to be like him. I adored him. And the day that he came out to me, when he told me he was gay, I waited. I waited for what I hoped would be the next declaration."

Gabe gasped. "You were waiting for him to tell you that he cared for you?" His voice dropped to a whisper. "And I told him not to."

"I sort of always felt that we shared a more profound bond. But then, when he didn't say anything, I thought I was wrong. He had all his events and meetings," Cas snorted. "and he invited some other guy to his Gay Prom."

"He was trying to survive. High school is hard enough without being outed, his dad threw him out of the house. He could have tried to hide, he could have changed schools, he could have left town, he had a lot of other options. But he stood his ground and pushed forward. You're right, he is brave. There are some adults who can't do what he did." Gabriel countered.

Cas continued. "And when I took some introductory psychology courses for Humanities requirements, I saw that it was common for adolescent boys to go through phases where they feel a same sex attraction to someone they admire, so I thought maybe that was it. And heaven knows I had daddy issues. But I didn't see as much of him. In college we were both so busy. Out of sight, out of mind."

"What about Anna?"

Cas returned to his vigil, staring out the window. "Dean sort of left me behind a little. He had this whole new group of friends, and sometimes I felt a little left out. We were always a part of the same class, and we went to the same parties with all the same people, and kids started becoming couples. Anna and I ended up together by default. She was pretty, and we liked the same books and movies. We even liked the same weird bands."

"So you were never really in love with her?"

Cas shrugged. "If I'm being honest, and I guess I really am, not really. I liked the idea of being in love, and she seemed as good a choice as any. I was sort of relieved when she broke up with me. Sure, it hurt, rejection is rejection, but I knew she deserved a chance to be with someone who really loved her." 

"And now?" Gabriel prompted.

Cas leaned back in his seat while still keeping watch. "Living with Dean is killing me. We eat together, we work out together, we watch TV together, and I wasn't kidding. He takes off his shirt a lot. And he knows it drives me crazy. I see him there at the breakfast table, smirking while he reads his paper and drinks his coffee. He thinks it's because I'm jealous of him, smug chiseled bastard. Really, I just want to jump into his lap and take a bite out of his neck." Cas looked at Gabriel who was laughing so hard he didn't make a sound. "It's not funny Gabe. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

Gabe was thoughtful for a moment. "He thinks you were playing with him. Because I told you, he thinks you were just messing around and having a laugh at his expense."

"But that's exactly what I was trying not to do. That's why I let myself get groped in a bar, and propositioned at the gym. I don't feel for other guys what I feel for Dean. This isn't just some physical response to hot body, or a nice ass. I love who he is." Cas declared. "I can't help it if every time we get within touching distance we somehow always end up touching. Ever since that first time he kissed me, it's all I can think about. I wasn't playing with him. I just didn't understand myself."

"Well what are we doing here? Why don't you tell him all this?" Gabe cried, exasperated.

"I was trying to, wasn't I? But I got as far as 'Gabriel said' and all hell broke loose." Castiel exclaimed.

Gabriel's focus went past him, and suddenly he yelled "Duck!" and pulled him down."

The interior of the car lit up as the headlights got closer, and then it dimmed as they turned into Sam's driveway. Castiel peered out of Gabriel's windows, and watched as a figure got out of the passenger side of the car and walked to the front. The headlights hit on him and it was unmistakably Dean. As he headed for the door, the driver, probably Michael, called him back, and he returned, leaning down towards him. The driver's arm came out and pulled Dean down into a deep and very passionate kiss. As they separated, Dean leaned in until their foreheads touched. They laughed and shared a few more playful kisses before Dean went inside. 

"You know, you could still talk to him," Gabriel suggested.

Castiel's stomach felt like lead, and his eyes stung with hot, unshed tears. "Yeah. I don't think so. Let's just go home." 

 


	17. Dear Future Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Long awaited ending to my first, and hopefully not last, Destiel fic. Been a wild ride.

Cas couldn't sleep that night. Finally he got out of bed, showered and headed for the farmer's market. In addition to the standard kale, carrots, corn on the cob and new potatoes, he picked up fresh raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries, and went home and made a summer berry pie. It was the best way he knew to apologize, and it kept his hands busy while he waited for Dean to come through the door. But as Cas took the pie out of the oven to cool, he started to worry that Dean still wasn't coming home. He finished up his laundry, vacuumed and dusted in the rec room, and, feeling brave, mowed the lawn. Still no sign of Dean. Finally he got a soda, and went downstairs to see if there was anything decent to watch on TV. And that's where he was when Dean came home and found him asleep in the corner of the sofa.

He startled awake when he felt the bottle being tugged out of his hand. "Wha-"

"Sorry. Just didn't want to risk you spilling when I woke you up." Dean said, sitting down next to him.

Cas rubbed his eyes. "I was starting to wonder if you had moved out."

"Shut up, stupid." Dean had a small, sad smile on his face. "You and your brother pissed me off. I needed some cool down time." Dean looked at him. "I'm okay, Cas. I just needed to get out of my head." He got up to leave and then turned back. "Did you actually make that pie on the counter?"

Cas smiled sheepishly. "There's real whipped cream in the fridge."

Dean turned and ran up the stairs. "Dude, you are so forgiven!" he shouted back.

Cas picked up his bottle and headed up the stairs. Dean was already cutting into the pie.

"A crumble crust. Cas you are an artist." Dean proclaimed, licking some stray filling off of his hand, and sitting down at the table with his plate.

"Well, Gordon Ramsay is my muse." Cas grinned. "But Dean, I sort of feel like we need to talk."

"Talk?" Dean looked up from his pie. "Talk about what?"

Cas sighed. He was not going to make this easy. "About why you left."

"We just did. I was a little upset because a big mouth runs in your family. I cooled down, we're good."

"No, that's not what I mean. I'm talking about that you told Gabriel you cared for me. That you had feelings for me. Dean," Cas hesitated for a moment. Once he said it, it would be out there. "Were you in love with me?" Cas tried to meet his eyes, and Dean turned away.

He looked down at the half finished pie on his plate. "Cas, that was a long time ago. A long time." He shook his head. "I don't know what Gabriel told you about however he remembers a five minute conversation that happened ten years ago, but we're not talking about Romeo and Juliet." Dean shrugged. "I was just discovering who I was, and that I was into guys and not girls, and I thought I had a crush on my best friend. Not that unusual. We spent a lot of time together, and I mistook a really close friendship for something more than what it was." He looked up and met Cas's eyes at that point. "Happens all the time. But one should never mistake it for love, more admiration or curiosity." He went back to eating his pie. "It was a silly crush a long time ago. Now you have your new lady, who is cute, and fun, and I have met my new man, who is super hunky and loves to spoil me, and everything is good." Dean finished his pie and took his plate to the dishwasher. "All's well that ends well." He headed for his room. "And I won't be home for dinner tomorrow. Michael is taking me out."

Cas watched Dean walked to his bedroom and close the door.

As he heard it latch, Castiel deadpannned, "Wait, don't go, I think I'm in love with you," barely above a whisper, staring at Dean's door. So that went well, he thought.

 

 

Cas scraped his plate and put it in the dishwasher. Still not enough dishes to run a load. Dean had been going out with Michael every night. On Friday he stopped home to have a quick shower before going out.

"Hey Cas. Long time, no see," he said, buttoning up his shirt.

Cas smiled weakly. "You've been busy." He saw Dean's workout bag next to his feet. "Are you guys going to the gym?" 

Dean blushed, and Cas knew. He wished he could take back the question. He didn't want to hear Dean say it. "No, Cas. I'm spending the weekend with Michael. He's got a little cabin just outside of town. We're going to have dinner and then head out." Dean replied, quietly. Then he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "So you have the place to yourself. Might be a good time to invite April for a sleepover."

Cas nodded. "I will give that serious consideration." he said, heading back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up from dinner. The scent of the sandalwood soap was a little too overpowering for him. Dean called out "goodnight" as he left, and as soon as Cas heard the car pull out of the garage, he opened the freezer and found the Jägermeister. What the hell, he had a weekend to kill. A weekend he would like not to remember. He grabbed a shot glass out of the cupboard, and headed downstairs with his new best friend.

 

Sitting in the dark, four shots in, and watching Ginnifer Goodwin clean up after Justin Long's party in  _He's Just Not That Into You,_ he heard the front door slam upstairs, and Dean's voice bellowing "Cas!" Even wasted as he was, Cas could tell Dean was pissed. At him? Why? As he attempted standing up, he heard the footsteps stomping across the floor, towards the stairs. Dean must've seen the light from the TV. He got to the bottom of the stairs and turned the light on. Castiel shaded his eyes from the light.

"What the fuck, Cas?" Hands on his hips, Dean glared at him.

"I don't understand, Dean." Cas wobbled a little on his feet.

"We went to the Roadhouse for dinner tonight. It was really busy, being Friday and all, so we were halfway through dessert before I saw April. She was working another station, but I wandered up to see her when she was getting drinks at the bar. I thought I'd let her know that you were all alone for the weekend, and she could stop by and see you when her shift was over."

Cas winced. "Oh..."

"Oh...That's all you got? The longest uncomfortable silence of my life and then the nice girl informs me that you two are no longer seeing each other, in that way."

"Well, yeah." Cas shrugged. "It was a mutual thing. We like each other, we just didn't feel like we were compatible." Cas looked at his feet.

"What the fuck does that mean? You like each other but you don't like each other?"

"We like each other but we're not suited to each other in some ways." Cas tried again.

"I still don't get what the hell you're talking about, and by the way, I got the impression that this was not a recent development. When were you going to tell me?" Dean exclaimed.

Suddenly Cas found himself filled with Jäger fuelled rage. "What the hell do I have to tell you for? Why is my social life any of your concern? Is this sport for you?" He could feel himself sway on his feet, but he pressed on. "Cas failed at another relationship, so let's pick him up, dust him off, and throw him at another girl. See if he sticks? Is there a pool going to see how long this one will last? You need a date so that somebody can collect the pot?" Cas swiped at the tears streaming down his face. 

Dean put his hands up. "Listen Cas-"

"No, YOU listen Dean." Cas shouted, shoving Dean's hands out of his face. "You never let me talk anymore, and I think that's because you know what I'm going to say. You just don't wanna to hear it." Cas swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You wanna know why April and I broke up? Because we had no chemistry. We're not compatible. We both knew it. We both felt it, or didn't feel it." Cas gave a bitter laugh. "Do you know why? Or should I say you do know why. Because you do." Wait. Cas shook his head. That sounded wrong. He was too drunk to be having this conversation. "I was tryin' a tell you and you flipped out on me."

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't you say it. Don't you dare fucking say it!"

Cas fell forward, clutching at Dean's shoulders. "Why not? Why can't I tell the truth? And this time, I don't want to hear some phoney outrage about my brother betraying your confidence. 'Cuz that's all bull. Ten years ago you told Gabriel you loved me, well why the fuck didn't you tell me? Screw your confidence. I was your best friend. You should have told me. Maybe I wouldn't have understood it 10 years ago, maybe I would have been confused at first, but I have always had your back, Dean. I never would have turned you away. And if you had shared your feelings with me, maybe I would have shared my feelings with you. I love you, Dean, and I think I always have." Cas moved his hands to either side of Dean's face. "And I think you love me too."

Dean looked at Cas, then looked away, using one hand to fist away his own tears. He shook his head. "No! I don't believe you. You're just playing with me. It doesn't matter anyway. I have a boyfriend now Cas. It's too late, I have Michael."

"If you want Michael so goddamn much, then what are you doing here with me?" He leaned into Dean, pressing their lips together, the kiss gentle but firm, until he felt Dean yield to his touch, hesitant at first, but then, as though a dam burst, grabbing at Castiel, one hand on his hip, the other lost in his hair, pulling his head in closer, deepening the kiss. Castiel moaned as he felt Dean's tongue enter his mouth, and when Dean's calloused hand slid under his shirt to caress his torso, his knees buckled, partly from lust, and partly from Jägermeister, and they both fell to their knees and then tumbled to the floor.

Castiel's head made contact with the floor. "Ow!" he exclaimed, and put a hand to his head.

Dean pulled back, concerned. "Cas, are you okay. Let me check."

"I'm fine, I'm fine. It's carpet, and I've got a hard head." Cas smiled weakly. "Just a little jarring that's all."

"More like sobering. I should not have done that." Dean said, standing up. "And neither should you."

Cas looked up from the floor. "What do you mean?"

Dean ran his hands through his hair. "Well, you're clearly drunk and talking out of you ass, and tomorrow you're going to regret all this, and it will make everything awkward between us. I can't lose another friend this way."

Cas tried unsuccessfully to get to his feet, and then surrendered his dignity to look up at Dean. "You wanna give me a hand, please?" 

Dean offered his hand, and once on his feet, Castiel didn't let go. "Yeah, I'm a little drunk right now, but that's not why I'm saying this. I've been trying to tell you for a while now, but you keep talk blocking me." He gestured to the sofa, and Dean reluctantly sat with him.

"Do you remember when you came out to me all those years ago? I do. I remember you sat me down, sort of like this and you said, "Cas, I gotta tell you something, and I don't know how you're gonna take it. Here goes. Cas, I like guys." 

Dean huffed, "Yeah, I remember. Because you didn't say anything for the longest time, and all I could think was _Crap, I just lost my best friend_."

"I didn't say anything because I was waiting for you to say the rest. Cas, I like guys, and I like you." Cas met Dean's eyes. "Every time you dunked my head at the pool, every time you steamrolled me when we wrestled in the living room, all those nights we read comic books with flashlights after lights out," Cas smirked as another memory occurred to him. "Every time you stole my soda, you would smile at me with that mischievous look in your eyes, and I would smile right back, and I thought we were telling secrets in our own private language because we weren't ready to say the words."  Cas looked at his knees. "And then when you were ready to say the words... " Cas looked up again. "Damn it, Dean, why didn't you say them to me?"

"It was Gabriel." Dean said, flatly. "It wasn't a five minute conversation 10 years ago. It was a more serious man-to-man later. When my dad threw me out, and I came to talk to your mom, Gabriel showed up, and he asked to talk to me alone. He only had one thing to say to me. Don't mess with my brother, Dean. Cas would do whatever you want him to. He'd follow you down any road, even if it was somewhere he didn't really want to go." Dean smiled and shrugged. "He wasn't wrong. Gabe was subtle, but I understood what he was saying. It would have been like that messed up night with Jo. Get a couple of drinks in you, start making out like it was a joke, take it too far, and the next day..." Dean looked away for a minute before continuing. "Losing Jo, like I did, that hurt. We have never been the same. Losing you would have ruined me. So it had to be your idea. And I also thought you and I had a, what did you call it, a private language. So when I told you I like guys, I was waiting for you to say "me too".

"Dean I've never done that. You know I don't do anything without someone leading me by the hand?"

"Oh, don't think that knowledge didn't haunt me every now and again. I even questioned my motives for letting you move in here. And I was so obvious about it, too. You did need to workout, but I didn't need to touch you as much as I did. I did want you to taste what I was cooking, but I could have used a spoon. I don't usually walk around the house shirtless. I don't even sleep that way." Dean grinned. "And I knew exactly what I was doing when I bought the lead paint."

"You ass." Cas hissed.

Dean put up his hands defensively. "Right, and I felt weird about it. So when I could tell April was practically in heat, always asking me about you when I came in, I threw you to the wolf." Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. "The girl was not subtle. I figured if you liked April, you would move on, and if you didn't, well... I didn't really think beyond that." He leaned back on the sofa. "You and April hit it off, and everyone should have been riding off into the happily ever after sunset."

Cas leaned back next to him. "Yeah, that didn't happen," he sighed.

Dean turned his head to look at him. "Really? And whose fault was that?" Dean adopted a mocking falsetto. "Dean teach me how to kiss. Watts did it for Keith." Dean threw his hands in the air. "What the hell?"

Cas tried very hard to hide the smile that was starting. "Yeah, sorry about that. I really just wanted to kiss you."

"Son of a bitch!"

"Whatever. Worth it. You do know how to kiss. And... Tell the truth. You could see right through that line. You wanted to kiss me too." Cas looked hopeful.

"Yeah I did, but I wouldn't have felt so guilty about it if I had been sure. Course that did make it hotter. And I would have tortured you a little more," Dean grinned. "Really had my fun with it."

"Well you made me jealous with all your talking about Michael. Oh crap, Dean. What about Michael?"

Dean leaned his head back again and covered his face with his hands. "Oh, yeah, that. Michael is gone."

Cas moved closer. "Beg pardon?"

"Yeah he's gone. After I found out about you and April, I wanted to come back here, and he thought that was stupid, and that I should ask myself why I cared so much, and we argued about it, and he left. He was right of course. You breaking up with April has nothing to do with me." He pulled his hands away and turned to Cas again. "Except that I think it does."

"Labels are important to you." Cas shrugged. "I no longer have a "girlfriend", and I'm not in a "relationship"." He made the air quotes.

Dean shifted in his seat and turned his body towards Castiel's "Cas, I gotta tell you something, and I don't know how you're gonna take it."

Cas tilted his head and smiled. 

"I like boys, and I love you." Dean took his face in his hands.

"Yeah, Dean. Me-." Dean cut him off before he could finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still need to know. Tell me if you loved it or hated it.


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